It has been so long since I have shared my dating stories with you. There have been a handful of dates I went on but I will share the few that really stand out for laughs. I won’t waste any time and just get right into it.  In todays news we have Mr. Lover Man, Mr. Important and finally Sir Douche Bag the III.

A while back I met this good looking guy named Mr. Lover Man. I was outside my building looking at some landscaping that had been damaged and this hot guy came up to me. He introduced himself and told me that he was working in the building next door and was wondering if his car was in my way. We started talking for a while and as I was about to leave he asked me for my digits. He later then told me that he never parked his car on the property, he was just looking for an excuse to talk to me. He said he saw me from inside the building while looking out the window and that he had to come down to talk to me. Sneaky. I was really flattered because I had just finished a work out, I had no make up on, my hair was a mess and I was wearing my workout clothes. I was not expecting him to be interested in me at all.

He called me the same day instead of a texting which was really cool. We decided to meet up that evening  to play some late night basketball. He picked me up and we went to go shoot some hoops that evening at this out door park close by. I go running my mouth and challenge him to a bet thinking we are both out of practice. After I lose, he tells me he is a basketball coach part time. He didn’t disclose that information in the beginning so he was obviously disqualified from winning. He says I owe him a kiss so he gets one. It was a very romantic night on this basketball court.

All good nights come to an end so we begun walking back. As we are walking back, I see this huge cloud of thick grey smoke and it kept getting more intense as we got closer to my building. I lost my mind at the thought of my cat Lynx being inside of a burning building so I start running. I grab Mr. Lover by the hand and tell him we need to go and save Lynx! He had no choice. We are running at top speed and this Poor Man is being dragged into this rescue mission.  All I can hear is him yelling “omg! What did you leave on?” over and over. I had no time to answer this mans questions, I had a cat to save. Turns out it was the building across the street, Lynx was safe. Nice to know that he Blamed me for the fire. Why did I grab his hand to run with me? who knows, but that is funny as hell.

Mr. Lover was 10 years younger than me. He just got out a serious relationship and was looking for some fun. I appreciate that he was being honest with me about where he was at in life. Mr. Lover man and I spoke for a couple weeks and I really contemplated this Idea of just having some fun with him. It would have been a nice distraction for me, and cool to have some company. Mr. Lover man tried to get hot and heavy with me, I knew he wanted me to invite him inside my place. I didn’t enjoy kissing him anymore because this type of connection doesn’t do anything for me. This type of company is lonely, unfulfilling , and I can’t relate to it. As long as two people are aware of the circumstances between each other, then No Judgement to people who like to kill time with each other and use each other for their time, energy and company. It’s when you are dishonest about your intentions in order to have access to someone to kill time with them that makes you dishonest and not worth having around. That is low and eventually there is a special kind of Karma that gets handed to people like this. After some careful consideration, I decided I didn’t want to have a fling with this man and we parted ways. It was fun !

Along Came Mr. Douche bag and Mr. Important. I was talking to them both at the same time. Let’s start with Mr. Important. We went for Brunch, he was such a gentlemen and he insisted on paying for everything. We had a lot in common and  we really hit it off. After Brunch we went for a walk by the water,  I had the best time. He asked me out again before the date ended and I felt really good about the connection. The second date rolled around and he was wearing the exact same outfit he wore on the first date and it really turned me off.  I felt like I was in a Seinfeld episode.  Mr. Important makes good money, he could afford to buy clothes. It’s not like he was coming out to be with me on his last dime. It came across to me as a lack of effort. Is he a man that would get too comfortable too quickly and I would soon be part of the furniture? Would I become  someone who is just there  in the background and be taken for granted and not seen? There is a memory of when I was small that stands out to me for some reason. It is engrained in my mind. The memory is of my Mom and Dad not really getting along. I noticed there were many times where they would be in the same room or in the rooms next to each other but both of them never really acknowledged each other. I was too small to really understand what was going on between them back then but I remember thinking that I never wanted that to be me. I never want to be accompanied by someone only to be alone. The late and Hilarious Robin Williams used to say, the only thing worse than being alone, is feeling alone while in the company of people. I couldn’t agree with that statement more.

Same Clothes noted ! but I still felt excited to talk to him and hang out. He picked me up at home and was taking me out for dinner. It took about 5 minutes into the drive for me to be bored out of my mind. I was so confused, how could I be so excited one minute and then feel this conversation is excruciating in the next? He was showing me where he used to live which was nice to see but then he wouldn’t stop talking about the house and the type of garage he had ,what has changed about the house now and I didn’t care. At Dinner he was talking some more and I didn’t care about the topics he was talking to me about either. I was so bored that It made me feel sad. I tried changing the topics so we could both be interested in the conversation but he kept making it all about him. It was so painful. Maybe it was just a bad night, so I decided to give it a little more time.

He travels for work so when he was gone it was cool to have some company on the phone, but then when he came back into town I wasn’t excited to see him. I cancelled my plans with him because there was a movie I really wanted to watch at home instead. While I was in Maui for work I finished reading a book called Where the CrawDads sing by Delia Owens. This book is a Reese Witherspoons book club pick!  I love reading her book club picks because they are books I would not normally grab, it broadens my reading. It is so cool because you have the book club reading the same book so you feel accompanied. It is so fun and if you love reading, I highly recommend ! Ok back to Mr. Important.  I couldn’t wait to get home from work and be in my sanctuary, change into my comfy Pjs and watch the  motion picture that was based on this entertaining book I just finished. I lit a bunch of candles and made some popcorn in my cozy home and escaped into this really cool movie. I was the happiest! Mr. Important wanted to reschedule plans and he invited me over to his place. I really didn’t want to go to his house.  We only went out twice, I didn’t know him well enough. I am assuming he wanted me over for more than just conversation. Mr. Important must have been disillusioned by that ridiculous three date rule that I do not follow. I decided I didn’t want to see Mr. Important anymore. In the short time I knew him, there was obviously something really holding me back and if I would rather be alone than be with him then I obviously didn’t like him enough.

Finally, we have Mr Douche Bag the III.  Mr. DB and I  really connected. He was so funny and exciting to talk to. This was that exciting connection where you know you have to be paying very close attention or else your panties will drop and you will be doing a double take at what just happened. Naturally, because of this my guard was up with Fortress walls times three. I find it cute sometimes when other people think they have walls, you have not seen mine. There were lots of flirty fun texts going on back and forth , we texted a lot. He wanted to take me out so we made plans for a Friday night. My radar started screaming that something was off and that I needed to be careful. We planned a phone date before hand and we had so much fun talking. he had me laughing and feeling good. We spoke for  hours. He went to work on no sleep because he didn’t want to get off the phone with me. Madness! Nothing spells bad News more than this connection.

I intentionally made plans with him the night before I had a really early morning to make sure I behaved myself. Mr.DB says maybe we should meet earlier because he really wanted to enjoy the night with me and we can drink without worrying about time. With my early flight in the morning, I have a cut off time with work for when I need to stop drinking and I guess my cutoff time was getting in the way of his plans. I stuck to the later time but now I am feeling uneasy about him picking me up. He wants to be a gentlemen and grab me at home but I was not sure that he would respect that I needed to be home early and it made me feel uneasy to let him drive me. If this date was going to end up happening I would be meeting him there.

The next day I couldn’t shake this instinct, It was screaming! Do Not go out with this Man! I went to a meditation that night and on my way there my car spun out. The roads were really bad ,my car got stuck in the snow and I ended up facing on coming traffic. I managed to roll my car out of the snow, which was annoying and I continued on my way. When I told Mr. DB what happened he was nice and sent me a bunch of hearts which should have made me feel good but instead I felt annoyed because it was not sincere. The Meditation was awesome that night and at the end of the session my body was screaming for me to acknowledge the feeling I was having to not to go out on this date. I begun to question myself because of it. Why do I often have such bad vibes about these guys? Why can’t I be carefree just like everyone else and just go with the flow? Why can’t I just have fun and not take things so seriously ? Why do I always have to be so afraid all the time of getting close to a man? Seems I don’t have that luxury of being carefree when it comes to relating to people. Being severely traumatized from emotional abuse and having bad experiences consistently with people, makes it so it does not allow me to just go with it. I decided to reach out to a friend.

During Covid I worked at the same place as Mr. DB but strangely I never met him while I was there. I asked my friend who I am still in touch with if he knows Mr. DB. He tells me he knows of him and he is pretty sure that he is married. Perfect!!! That was enough for me. I decided not  to reply to anymore of his texts and I would just stop talking to him. He shouldn’t be on this dating App if he is married and he doesn’t deserve an explanation as to why I am dropping off.

I am at my part time Job one night  when Mr. DB calls me. I wasn’t expecting him to call me since I  just stopped talking to him. A friend of mine was there; let’s call him J. He talked to him for me. It was the most amazing thing ever. He told him to get lost and to never call my number again. It was so nice not to have to fight for myself for once.I felt such a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I will take the break this time on this one. J is the best , I still laugh about this moment with friends, but the plot thickens.

My friend comes to visit me at work one afternoon and he keeps me company during one of my shifts. Lets say his Name is K . He brings up his son in law in conversation and the way he describes him sounds so much like Mr. DB . My heart drops when I realized the similarities were too close. I show K a picture of Mr. DB and K says Bloody hell that is him !!! Why do you have a picture of him? he asks me. I was talking to him on a dating App, I tell him. K says “what the hell “? I’m thinking, Can you imagine? Hey K I have been dating this guy Mr. DB for some time now, I would like you guys to meet. Come on! You can’t make this stuff up. Turns out Mr. DB is separated from K’s Daughter but they have a kid together. Red Flags from hell ! K tells his daughter about me and she tells me that I dodged a bullet. Mr.DB used a different name on the App. K is my work friend from my full time job so I never met his family. I knew where his son in law worked but I thought he was in a different department so I didn’t make the connection. Mr. DB knew where I worked full time and he never once mentioned K to me or asked if I knew him. Mr. DB told me he was going to tell me everything about himself when we go for dinner. Now I can feel good knowing that my instincts were right and not to question them. I often walk away from opportunities with men because I don’t feel safe, so at times I find I start to doubt myself. The positive thing about all these dating experiences is that I am developing a strong trust with my intuition. Your intuition picks up on red flags way before your logical mind does. I rationalize less now when my instincts go off. I just trust them. Instead of questioning my ability to be free with allowing people near me, I will allow myself to be free in trusting my instincts. That is where my freedom lies.

This reaches the end of The dating chronicles for me. I knew I was done when I talked to this man named Door Knob and he asked me ” What is it about you that makes you different from everyone else and I replied with ” I am different because I don’t give a shit whether you like me or not”. That was a stupid question and what he was basically saying was why should I go out with you. Does it look like I am applying for a job? Easy there Big time, Let me make things easier for you. I will step aside so I don’t hold up the line. I could have told Doorknob everything he wanted to hear. Played it up and stroked his ego. Be all flirty and fun so he thinks he is special. Send him sexy pics and tell him I am thinking of him and I could care less about doing any of those things. You’re not going to get to know someone by describing yourself. The conversation was a waste of my time. Get out of my face. Kidding. My Dating profile is stupid. I know I should have sexy pics and be more fun and flirty but I don’t want to attract the kind of man who just wants sex. I want a man who is looking for a partner in crime. My profile is boring. I thought putting myself out there would have been healthy and fun. I was looking for a distraction, to learn more about myself and what kind of men are out here. I also feel like a part of me was dating for a joke.  Sadly, I don’t know that the dating culture is a healthy one and I don’t relate to the way people treat each other. I have not come across anyone I want to care and be there for. Through all these experiences I have learned so much about myself and about life and for this I am grateful for.

I have left My App open but I have lost interest in talking to anyone. I kept it open for some reason so I don’t cut myself off completely, but I am not sure why. I am such a homebody and I really don’t like to socialize too much. I love hanging out with friends but in moderation. A lot of wanting to be alone Is because I don’t feel safe being too close with people. It is exhausting having your guard up all the time. When I am alone my guard can fully come down, except when I am around Lynx because he tries to manipulate me. Kidding. I think I have hit one heart break too many throughout my life and it has taken it’s toll on me. I know that is something I am working through and I will be ok, but my soul is tired. I haven’t really been myself.  At this point my dream date would be having someone with me that I am truly safe with and we literally just sleep for days. Having people get too close to me can be truly a painful and scary experience for me. Overall I am happy with my life. I find joy in the smallest things which I find a true blessing. I have hobbies I truly love and enjoy like reading, writing and being in nature. I love self improvement and progress. I found bliss, stillness and inner peace within myself but these dating experiences, although hilarious at times, to me feel like the sound of nails scratching deeply on a chalk board. These connections disturb my inner peace and joy, so I am leaving things to fate. I would rather take a cooking class or find places to visit  that I truly enjoy than spend my energy on these men. If I do meet the right guy then I will meet him along the way, and I am ok with that. If not then that is ok too.

Letting the wrong person in your world can destroy your life and I am not willing to risk that. We are too much of a self absorbed society. We want instant gratification and we have people just replacing people because things get a little hard. People don’t value each other anymore. As much as a Dating App can be good for busy people it has also ruined the value of meeting someone because there are too many options. People are bouncing around from person to person out of convenience so like a Lone wolf that does not fit into the crowd, I am out. I don’t fit in here.

One change I will make is dating Men who feel unfamiliar to me. I learned something really cool while I was in school. The relationships we formed as children with our Families is what is familiar to us. If we had a relationship that did not go well for example with our mothers, we subconsciously  attract that same type of personality. The mind wants what is familiar and we equate that familiarity to mean it’s love. Not only does it feel familiar but our subconscious mind  also wants to recreate the story with that relationship to give it a happy ending. For Example, One could feel their Parent didn’t love them so they attract that same personality in a romantic relationship  to try and make the person with that same personality love them. We do this so we can validate our worth and to prove to ourselves that we are loveable. Since we did not feel love from that parent then recreating a happy ending with the same personality type means something was wrong the other person and not us. If I can make this person with the same personality as my mother love me for example, then that means I am loveable. No Offence to my  Dad, I think the world of him. He was the best Dad , but I also know he was a ladies Man. I don’t know how I know this, but kids just know. It is fair to say I attract Ladies men because they remind me of my father. I also attract men who think they can treat me horribly because I had Relatives who treated me horribly so that is what is familiar to me. Now I will focus on men Who I don’t normally go for to break this pattern. God Speed.

I most likely have been talking to myself writing these chronicles, but in the small chance someone is still with me, Thank you for laughing with me. I deal with life through humour because you either laugh or you cry. Crying ruins my mascara so I choose to laugh. I hope wherever you are that you are surrounded by love and good people who are there for you through good times and especially when you’re down. If you have been left while you’re down, you’re not alone. I have been left for dead more times than I can count. The one person who you can always count on is yourself. If true happiness lies within ourselves then we have never lost anything! Never settle because it really isn’t worth it. Design your life how you want it to be for yourself and surround yourself with people that bring out the best versions of you. Anything less than this is a waste of a life. Life doesn’t start with a relationship, It starts now. We Truly have no idea if we will even be here in an hour from now. We are not here in this place forever.  Don’t let your mind play tricks. What matters are the good moments that are happening now. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow doesn’t exist. All we have is now. Make your life worth living and keep laughing no matter what! Look at what you have and not what you’ve lost.  Find and see the good in everything. Bad always exists but Good always exists too. What Lens do you chose to see your life from? See the best for yourself always. Like Drake says, If someone treats you like an option, Leave them like a choice. Because fuck them, thats why . Until next time friends !

Meeting men hasn’t been all bad, there have been some positive experiences meeting people too. I went for an Italian Soda with a man named Theodore. So cute, just like high school kids. He was very muscular and hard ass looking. I was really thrown off by his voice because it was high pitched like a chipmunk. His Pitbull was the cutest. It was so nice to meet a good human but unfortunately there was no chemistry there with him. After Theodore I hit it off really well at first with a man named Satan. We went out a few times, we both had a similar sense of humour which was amazing because I live for laughter. We had some great laughs together. I was really enjoying talking and spending time with Satan but then things got awkward because we weren’t on the same page.

I am taking  my time with meeting people, I won’t  rush into a relationship with just anyone. He has to be the right person for me. One non negotiable that matters to me the most is knowing that I will be treated right by the man I am with and knowing this takes time to unfold. I felt a sense of real panic when Satan wanted to get off line with me. I don’t know why I felt so terrified but I truly did. There was something about him that just wasn’t sitting right with me and I could not pin point what it was. I was still willing to spend time with Satan but moving slow was necessary because I needed to feel good about things and move at a natural pace. Satan became really upset with me when I told him I wanted to take my time getting to know him. He told me he was going to be busy and that he will only have time to text me from now on but no phone calls. He thinks he is a business man. Soooo Busy. I told him the truth about how I was feeling. I told him that something didn’t feel right. Should I have told him that ? We all know the issues I am working on with expressing my feelings. Satan did not receive my honesty very well, His response was “well then maybe I should delete you ”

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Satans Anger made me feel unsafe and this was not how I wanted to feel or be treated so I just deleted him and moved on. Satan made the mess so he could clean it up if  he chooses to do so or not, either way was fine with me. My intuition knew he was not right for me before my logical mind did. He wanted to move a lot faster than I wanted to and he was mad at me when I said I wanted to work on a friendship first. I didn’t want to get off line. I wanted to continue meeting people to see what is out there. I need this time to explore because I am learning more about myself and about what I need. I am so independent and don’t need anything specific from a person but when it comes to relationships I have realized I actually do need certain things from a man if I am going to be with him. I am learning about what I like and don’t like. I am learning how to communicate my feelings and even though Men receiving my messages are ending in disaster , I am still getting  “betterish” at communicating. Why give up now ? if  I can’t be best friends with the guy I am sharing the most vulnerable parts of myself with and share my true feelings with him then I don’t see the point in having them in my life.

I had another date with this handsome Man named Cracker. Cracker was telling me that he wasn’t enjoying on line dating and that he wasn’t having much luck. He told me he felt like he was in a catalogue.  I don’t know what he meant by this because I appreciated  him as  a man and as a sex object . Kidding. Attraction and sex is everywhere now and so easy for everyone to find, but a true connection with someone is much harder to come by. We had so much fun paddle boarding on our first date, afterwards he brought me back to his place and made me dinner. I had a lot of laughs with him, we made plans to continue seeing each other  but then he turned cold. I was really busy with school and Maybe Cracker was frustrated with me because I was so over loaded with school and work? I don’t know but it really doesn’t matter. I don’t want anyone who doesn’t really want to be here anyway. I could tell he was really heart broken from his past relationship still, and he was really hung up on his Ex so that was a dead end anyway. Good experiences that ended in disasters. I am kissing frogs.

Then straight from the depths of hell came Gringo St.Claire. Where do I begin with this one. I decided to take a break from my school work one evening to unwind. I get a notification that Gringo likes me. For some reason I really hesitated with accepting his request. It’s like my spidey senses just knew something was wrong but I doubted myself. I started to question myself and I wondered if I was being overly critical of  him for no reason. I should have trusted my instincts. Me and Gringo start texting. The boring pleasantries began. Gringo is from Peru originally so I’m not sure why I am calling him Gringo St. Claire but the name amuses me. I am really busy with school during this time so I need for there to be a solid common ground and  connection between us because I don’t have a lot of free time. I have to use my time wisely because finishing  School is really important to me.

I want to know quickly if meeting him is worth it so I ask Gringo what he is looking for.” I am looking for a lot” Gringo says. Are you sure You want to know? He continues. No Gringo, I am here for my health bud. What’s with the mystery ? ” Are you ready “? Gringo says, followed by a really long Pause. What is with this dramatic moment of silence? Are we honouring the dead ? Is he trying to intimidate me?  I could care less  If  I meet his expectations or not. Spit it out Gringo so we can either meet or I can get back to my peaceful evening. Then finally after the long intermission he makes his grand entrance back into the conversation and finally reveals the big mystery of what he is looking for. Readers are you ready? Gringo wants  a women with a big heart who is loyal, confident, someone who is positive and is trust worthy, zzzzzzz (falling asleep) ,and the list goes on. Gringo wrote a novel. I assumed, which was my first mistake, that if this guy has set up a long list of qualities he is looking for in someone else then he must have these same wonderful qualities within himself also. There is no way you’re going to create such a dramatic presentation on what you are looking for in a person and then not match in those same qualities. Right? Wrong. For some reason I just pictured Gringo giving me a power point presentation on what he is looking for. Ok I am back. I have learned the hard way that I need to stop assuming and maybe be careful when giving people the benefit of the doubt. I seemed to have Passed Gringos extensive screening process for what he is looking for and he asks if he can call me.

Gringo tells me about his healing journey within himself  and he is fascinated about how the body can heal itself. I truly believe the body has an incredible ability to heal itself too and this topic interests me. Gringo shares with me an experience he’s had in the past where he healed his body from an illness. I loved hearing  about his experience  and I agreed with a lot of his views.  We both learned that we have read the same books on healing and now I am excited that we are talking! If you have a  positive mindset that is compatible with the person you are walking with in life then that is a very strong partnership . You can get though anything together. I was really excited to get together to learn and talk more with him

We have a date ! I tell him I would love to go for a walk. I love going for walks and I was really looking forward to getting outside in Nature. My head had been in the books because I had been working really hard with school, some fun company and great conversation felt like a great way to end a really busy week.

Gringo and I met and everything felt comfortable. we greeted each other very naturally with a hug and kiss on the cheek which was very sweet. It was beautiful day outside and we were really getting along well, I learned a lot about him that day. He has definitely been through a lot in his life and I could see he was genuinely trying to learn and grow as a person. He had been really putting effort  in learning from his mistakes and in making a better life for himself and I really respect that in a person. Being a victim and blaming  people for where we are in life is the easy route. We all play the victim at some point in our lives and that is ok. Especially if we get really hurt, we need to allow ourselves the time to grieve and sit with the hard feelings. Allowing  ourselves the time to feel bad and acknowledge the hurtful experience is very healthy . It is just not good to live in victimhood permanently. Victimhood will rob us of the good life that we deserve to have. The person who wronged us wins because not only did they waste our energy by being in our lives, but now the past has a hold on us because of what they did to us. Holding on to anger will rob us of positive life experiences that we can have if we choose to move forward. Don’t drink that poison.

It takes a lot of courage and strength to face our fears, insecurities and to take responsibly for ourselves. People who take responsibility for themselves are the ones you can grow with. Being able to grow with someone is one thing I am looking for in a person. The thought of just existing  and wasting away to me is tragic. I consider myself to be a student of life that wants to experience life to the fullest, and I would love to have a great person by my side to share and experience life with.  Everything seemed good on our date so far. Gringo and I were having fun, we both enjoyed talking about life but my instincts were going off that something was wrong and it really confused me. My logical mind didn’t see what was yet to come.

Gringo was becoming a bit too touchy feely for me , it would have been fine if we knew each other better but he was a stranger. Stranger Danger.  I had to slow things down. I explained to him that I wanted to work on a friendship first. I feel like a broken record at this point. I  don’t want to move forward intimately until we learn to be good friends and until we learn how to treat each other good. Nothing is more detrimental to my wellbeing than being intimate with a man who doesn’t know how to treat me right and who I don’t have a true friendship with. That is too lonely for me and taking my time is necessary for my wellbeing. It takes time to learn whether someone will be there for you. Will they stick with you when things go wrong? or will they leave you when you really need someone to be there?  In the past I have moved faster than I normally do because I really believed I had a friendship with the person I was with and in the end they were not a true friend. Taking my time is the only way to ensure I am going to be with someone who is going to care about me. My priority is to my wellbeing over being with someone.

We leave on a good note and he says he is excited to see me again. Gringo wants to give us a chance and he wants to see things through. He tells me we can grow together and learn about life together. He was saying all the right things but something was off. I had a nice time with him and loved the park he took me too. I loved his Dog so much, maybe a bit more than I liked him. His dog was so sweet and playful and he was getting annoyed that I was paying more attention to his dog at times than to him. All dogs go to heaven 🙂 Something with Gringo just wasn’t sitting right with me. My instincts were screaming that something was wrong. Why am I feeling the need to run ? I really did enjoy the conversations we had so I wasn’t going to write him off just yet but our future together was not looking bright. I have learned that you can relate to someone really well as friends on a friendship level but once you are getting to know someone on an intimate level that is whole different story. Now we are met with each others wounds, insecurities, fears  and past traumas. It is an entangled mess.

Gringo Texts me when I get home. I am thinking his Text would be a nice message saying it was nice to meet me which would have been so sweet. Instead I am close lined with him telling me that he feels like he is in high school again and that he touched himself when he got home. Are you serious? Gringo! remember that time I told you I wanted to build a friendship first? Good Talk. I don’t care what anyone says, chivalry is obviously not dead. I didn’t want to make him feel bad so I reminded him that I wanted to take things slow. His text really wasn’t sitting right with me and he kept on crossing a boundary. I wasn’t trying to be cute or play hard to get, I was being very real with him about wanting to move at a slow pace. I think he thought It was funny to try and get me to move forward with him sexually. He carried the attitude like you know you want it type of approach. Vomit. That was a mistake

Gringo apologized. He tells me he  doesn’t want to cross the line with me and that he is sorry. He tells me that you have to be careful with who you exchange energy with and that you shouldn’t do that with just anyone. Thanks Tips, Now can we stay on the same page please?  Gringo then decided that the next best step for us was to ask me a spicy question. He says “Ok Mami, I am sorry but can I ask you a spicy question”? I am not hard up or closed off  about sex but I don’t know him to be this way with him. Here comes Gringos spicy question. Insert Long Pause for dramatic affect. Just kidding he didn’t hold a long pause on this one. “Do you Swallow”? he asks. What !?? Of all the questions he wants to know about me after our first date and this is the million dollar question? Also, why did I answer him? “No” I tell him .What on Gods green earth is going on ? what is happening? For someone who is scared to be vulnerable I have come a long way. See what I did there?  I think sex is very important in a relationship. I am not closed to the idea of phone sex especially since I travel for a living. I get it but come on now!!!  I feel violated and I have contributed to my own violation by answering him. Gringo then shares with me that he is touching himself again for the second time! It was important to Gringo for me to know he is in the process of touching himself again as we speak. What a loser. I Didn’t feel pressured or did I feel obligated to join him . I also in no way shape or form felt turned on by this insanity and it became clear to me that what I needed did not matter to him at all.

I feel like a lot of guys mistaken my kindness for weakness and a lot of times when guys test me things usually go sideways afterwards because they don’t see me for the person I am, so they read me wrong. He would not have even tried this stunt if he saw me for who I was as a person. Gringo used to have issues with sex and on our walk when I slowed his affections down he played the sympathy card. Telling me he is finally able to feel more free and now I am stopping him. Red Flag. I took that comment as a joke but I guess I should have told him to smarten up. Should I have started speaking to Gringo in Portuguese? Or In sign Language ?This man is exhausting. Maybe I should just start telling people off more?

I know men are testy because there is always a part of them that will always be testy like little children, but nothing pisses me off more than a man who tests me to see how far he can cross the line with me. I am not interested in people in my life in any capacity who are on the take. I think we are all testy on some level. If I am testing a Man It is usually a test to see if he really cares about me. I don’t test people to see how far I can take advantage of them. Life is easy when you are feeling good and when you are in a good place. Its when you are down on your luck that the sharks come in for the kill. I need to know that the person I am with wants the best for me and wont kick me or leave me when I am down. When I am down in life and need support I don’t need  a man who is a taker in my corner.

Unfortunately my guard is usually up , and very rarely does it come down. If my guard has to be up with the person who is by my side than I would rather be on my own. I have been treated so badly thorough out my life so there are many times I don’t notice right away that I am being tested but I figure it out after wards. I think because I don’t realize I am being tested men read me wrong and mistaken my response or lack of a response as a green light to mistreat me. If you want to test me to see how far you can cross the line with me then just keep walking towards the exit sign because that is where you will end up. I have no time for bullshit.

I tell Gringo that I can see he is very busy right now on the second round of his late night missions and that I will let him go for the evening. I don’t have time to deal with this nonsense. I had a busy morning coming up and this was not worth staying up for. He gave me a very firm and cold good bye and I could care less if he was mad at me. Why are these men always mad at me ? Whatever.  I went to bed feeling molested. For some reason describing this experience as feeling molested made me die of laughter. Where did his common sense go? He seemed like an intelligent person. My guess is that if he is behaving this way with no awareness of how ridiculous he was behaving , then his behaviour must be working for him. Knowing this makes this the perfect opportunity to vomit in itself.

The next day Gringo tells me he had such a great time with me. He told me he really learned a lot from me and he thought a lot about the things I shared with him. I believe that Gringo was really going through some great personal growth. It takes a really strong and brave person to look within themselves to heal. It is not easy facing the things that scare you or that cause you pain within yourself.  I respect a persons courage to grow so they can make their life better. Personal growth stems from living in hell. When the pain of  your life becomes greater than the pain of having to face yourself, that is when you are forced to grow. No one chooses this path voluntarily. This is the choice you have to make when you are faced with the option in life to sink or swim. This route is definitely not the easy way but the only way to live if you want to be free from your pain in a healthy way. I could always just turn to a bottle of Jack to escape but that is expensive, and distracting yourself eventually catches up with you. You can only run for so long. Gringo needs to go, he was only interested in himself, and I didn’t find his behaviour to be cute. I had no voice and he didn’t want to respect what was important to me. When someone disrespects me that is the same to me as saying  that they could care less whether I live or die and that I don’t matter. I had to ask him repeatedly to stop with the advances and he didn’t care. It’s not like he was offering me a job promotion to make it worth it. Kidding. I was not in good hands with Gringo and he needed to be neutered.

I wasn’t sure how to respond to Gringo the next day when he reached out to me. Even though I lost complete interest in being with him romantically, I still respected that he was really trying to heal, improve and grow. I didn’t want to do anything to hurt that part of him and I wanted to handle him with care. I had a busy work day and  Gringo must have become upset that I didn’t respond to his texts right away. I didn’t mean to leave him hanging, I was busy at work and I wanted to make sure I delivered my message to him effectively and I really don’t like small talk. After some time in the day he started messaging me from the dating App we were both on instead of texting me. I guess he was trying to scare me by letting me know he was on the dating App again. I was not scared or hurt at the thought of him talking to another women, it’s a free country. If any women can take a man away from me then she can have him. A man who is really interested in me and/or  cares about me would never put me in a position like that, I don’t need a backstabber in my life.  What is with these fear tactics? His dating approach was dumb.

I told Gringo that he should be proud of himself and his progress in life.I wanted him to know I felt he was strong and brave for facing himself and I respected that about him. I told him that he was leading with Sex and I am not moving in that same direction. He told me that he was still in a lot of pain with what he was going through.I sensed there was a big possibility  he wanted to use sex to escape from his pain. I am not interested in healing anyone or fixing someone. If we end up healing each other naturally because of a true connection then that Is a beautiful thing. I obviously want to love and care for my man but I am not the Lord and saviour Jesus Christ. There was no place for me here because he didn’t see me or care about what I needed . I’m Outtie.

Growing up was really hard for me. My father died very suddenly when I was 15 years old  on Christmas Morning. The Doctors could not tell us how he passed away, they told us they were working on an autopsy and that they would get back to us. My mother phoned the hospital everyday and they would tell us they were still waiting for the test results. On the third day after my Dads funeral the hospital denied they had any idea about our request to complete an autopsy. We have no idea how my father died so suddenly, all they gave us were the possibilities on what they assume might have happened to him. My Dad was my best buddy, he was the best and we loved each other very much. Everyone loved being around my Dad, he was always making people laugh. Laughter for me is one way I get to keep my father alive within me. My father and I were partners in crime who were always laughing and up to no good together. He always wanted the best for me and he would always make sure I had a smile on my face. I would come home from school miserable and if there was not a smile on my face when he would say hello to me then he would not leave me alone until he made me smile and laugh. Once he finally accomplished his mission to make me smile he would say “that is better” and then he would walk away and carry on about his day. That is when I will know I have found the right man for me, when the smile on my face stays lit.

After my father died I was thrown into the wild and raised by wolves. I really didn’t have anyone love me the way he did after that. At 17 years old I was told I was a messed up kid and I really was. I was very depressed and although I was surrounded by people, I was alone. Thankfully I met an amazing therapist named Kate who helped me get my life back together again. Kate was all I had as a kid. She raised me and if it wasn’t for her I would not be here today. After all the beatings I have taken in this life I should not still be standing here today. The love my Dad had for me convinced me that life was not supposed to be miserable. The belief  that my Dad had in me as a person gave me the drive and dedication to fight for a better life for myself. No one was coming to save me. If it wasn’t for my father believing in me I don’t think I would have believed that life could be better for myself. My world fell apart really badly after he died. For years I drove every week into Downtown Toronto in rush hour to see Kate and she would teach me about life. She taught me valuable life skills that I never would have learned in the environment that I came from. Kate was so loving, patient and kind to me. I felt misunderstood by teachers, Adults, boyfriends and so called friends. People whom society says are supposed to love and care for you did not love and care for me. I was seen as a troubled teen who was too far gone and the expectation was I would end up dead or in Jail. My Principal told me not to come back to high school after I graduate to complete grade 13 for cosmetology, that it would just be better if I leave. I guess she didn’t like my company in her office twice a week? or sometimes every day? I felt like were just starting to connect? Rude. Kate saw through my pain and she didn’t see me as a bad kid. I truly believed it was because she cared about me that I made it. Even when I became strong I had the will and dedication to continue seeing Kate because I loved learning about life from her and wanted so much to build a great life for myself . She was all that I had and her lessons helped me to save myself from the horrible life I was experiencing.

When Kate died I hit rock bottom again and I had to fight for my life once more. Although Kate supported me she never told me what to do. I was surrounded by people who didn’t care about me all that much if at all and I didn’t realize it. I loved many of these people so much and many were people who I considered my family at the time. I just wanted to make my life work with these people but I didn’t see how bad they were for me. It  was the only life I knew. Once Kate Died all the haters moved in on me and the beatings started again. My Body gave out on me and I was hospitalized. I broke down because I couldn’t handle all the abuse and loss I was dealing with all at the same time. The doctors wrote me off and told me I would never become healthy enough to work again. The Hospital  gave me forms to fill out for me to collect compensation since they thought I could no longer work and they told me to pack it in. I was taking Brazilian  jujitsu classes throughout my life and when I became strong enough again to attend class I brought my forms into class and shared the news of what the doctors told me with my teacher. He asked me if he could see the forms and he ripped them up, looked at me in my face and said ” Go get a job “, so that’s what I did. The haters were very quiet while I was doing well, but then once they saw I was down again the put downs, manipulations, gossip, backstabbing and hurtful actions began once more. I blamed myself the first time my life fell apart but the second time around I truly saw how horrible my environment was. Life was harder than it needed to be because I was surrounded by the wrong people,  I wish I had seen and understood sooner the kind of damage this can cause. I was able to pull out of this hell again because of everything Kate taught me. All I have in my heart are my Dads words that he wants me to do my best, and Kate’s teachings. Kate believed in me when no one else did. Her lessons help me to this day. Where in this story does it make sense that I end up with a man who mistreats me and doesn’t appreciate me? Where does it make sense that I am here to be available to a man at his convenience and that I don’t matter ? Being really selective about who I walk with in life is not about me thinking I am better than anyone, this is about my quality of life. To settle on someone in any relationship dynamic in my life is a disrespect to the heart that Kate put into me. If I let people trample all over my life than Me and Kate were for nothing and My Dad would be rolling in his grave.

I worked so hard to build a good life for myself while going through hell. I am not sitting here thinking that I am Gods gift to the world and that I think I am better than anyone. I am fully aware that there are women a lot smarter, prettier and funnier than me. What I am saying is that no one, no matter how much I care for a person gets to come here and disrespect my lessons that I had with Kate and disrespect my Dads wish for me to be my best. I live by their words and teachings. I have the right to be happy and be treated right because I treat people good. So If I end up alone because I am not putting up with bullshit then I am ok with that. I think I have built meaningful life for myself that Kate and My Dad can be proud of.

These fear Tactics men use are ridiculous. Seems when men don’t get their way they start to think they can hold affections or hold the false promise of commitment over your head. If someone thinks they can hold a relationship over my head and dangle the carrot as bait then they are oblivious to the fact that they are at the wrong address with me. Even if I love the person I will choose to die inside and let them go before I ever let anyone think they can use me as their puppet on a string. The way I see it is If you’re stuck in an unfortunate situation like this with a person you really care for then either way you are going to die inside. You will die slowly if you stay in an unhealthy and unloving situation or you can die by pulling out of the relationship and bleeding out. the second option leaves you to grieve in a healthy way and move towards taking healthy steps forward in caring for yourself. Throw yourself back into the wild and give yourself the space to heal and rebuild a better life for yourself . Throwing yourself back into the wild can be very scary but the freedom is exciting. If you lean into the fear and let the parts of you that broke fall away, you will find a strength within you that you never thought you had. It feels like you’re going to die but if you nurture your wellbeing during this process I promise you that you won’t . I have died so many times in this life and I am still standing. God only takes the good ones anyway so I am not too worried. That would explain why I am still here. That feeling of being free from needing anything from a person you deeply care for  who doesn’t care about you in return is the most beautiful and empowering feeling. The freedom is exhilarating . The first option to stay will destroy you more long term as a person and the wound will cut deep because of the length of time you stayed. There is more time to do real damage. That is why I don’t ever want to get used to the slightest form of  being mistreated because then the mistreatment becomes normal and only gets worse over time. I have better things to do with my life than to become accustomed to being treated bad. I already suffer from Complex PTSD because of all the mistreatment I have been through. Thanks for the offer but I have a life to live, go be disrespectful some place else.

If you are used to be treated badly like I have been and question if you are being mistreated by someone, imagine how you would feel if the person you are with would treat one of your loved ones in the same way they are treating  you. What opinion would you hold of  someone if they were to treat your Brother, sister, Nephew or Daughter the same way this person in question is treating you? This perspective is helpful and usually helps you to see the answers more clearly. Sometimes we don’t see right away that we are being mistreated by someone because we have become so used to being treated badly. Don’t look for your worth in someone else because then you will only be as great as they tell you that you are and that is no way to live. We define our own worth and We make the rules for ourselves. Don’t allow anyone else to hold the pen in their hand to your life story because the person who writes the story about your life is you. Who cares about the opinions of disrespectful people, they are no better than anyone else. We don’t need their approval or validation . We can give that approval and validation to ourselves. Respect is not a big ask when you are a kind and respectful person. Respect is the bare minimum someone can give you in a healthy relationship.  It is better to be happy alone than to walk with the wrong person for you. Always remember true happiness starts from within. The right people in your life will add on to your happiness, but they are not the source of where your happiness comes from. Don’t make your life harder by sharing it with people who don’t deserve you.

After I got out of the horrible place I came from I travelled the world. Everyone I knew was getting married and I had no interest in doing that. I had been in two very serious long term relationships where both wanted to get married but Marriage terrified me. While everyone was getting married, I got my wings. Getting into the travel industry was such a rush of excitement for me because for years I got to escape into my travels. For once I was finally free and outside of myself. It was the best feeling and still is to this day to not care about what time or day it is. Being in the moment experiencing this beautiful world was a dream come true for me. Experiencing people, cultures, history, and amazing food. I have knocked off so many of my bucket list items of places I wanted to experience , life was finally working out for me. I had a permanent smile on my face from the excitement that came with travelling and the laughs were endless. I stayed away from relationships for the longest time because I loved not having anyone close to me hurting me or making me feel bad. I held such a horrible outlook on relationships and getting close to people. I felt so robbed of a life that I didn’t want to lose anymore of my life by becoming close with people again, I was so closed off. I met men along the way but things would just drop off and I really didn’t care about  walking closely with anyone in life at that time. Dealing with so much loss and death I wanted to learn how to be happy on my own. If I can learn happiness on my own than no one can take that from me, that didn’t leave much time to allow men close to me. I felt like relationships were a prison and I valued freedom more. So now I am having fun with this idea of maybe meeting the right man. I remain detached and focused on living in the present moment . Through writing I some how feel connected to Kate. It is as if I have found a way to talk to her directly again.I just graduated school for hypnotherapy,  in helping people I hope I can be successful at passing along the lessons Kate has taught me on to others. Through Hypnotherapy I can keep Kate alive in the same way  laughter lets my Dad live on through me. I miss Kate and My Dad so much so this Piece I write for them. To K Dog and my Dad, I promise I will never settle !! It is better to walk alone than to be poorly accompanied.  As for Gringo St. Claire , Keep your eye on the puck bud and don’t pull the goalie. Farewell Gringo, Nope !

Have you ever started talking to a guy and it seemed like you found someone who was on the same wave length as you and then It ended up being a train wreck from hell? Let me introduce you all to.. Drum Roll ….Let’s call him…. Thor Odinson The God of thunder.

Thor and I began  some small talk back and forth that was making me fall asleep. I almost fell asleep and then suddenly It appeared as thou we had some similar views on  spirituality. we started talking about the law of attraction and energy. We began having a disagreement on the importance of surrounding yourself with good people. Who disagrees about the idea of having good People around? Comical

I shared my views on energy when It comes to people in your inner circle. It  Is very important to pay attention to whether or not someone is energizing you or depleting you. People who deplete you are the takers of the world. If someone is taking your energy it is best to remain distant for your wellbeing. Thor told me that this is not true. That he can hang around anyone because he is grounding energy. Thor believed  that since I am a highly sensitive person that I will be more powerful hanging around him because he is a lightening Bolt. If given the opportunity  Thor could take me to Costco and he could shield me from all the energies in the store . Beside him I would never feel overwhelmed or depleted. He has had experience with this fact about himself because his Ex girlfriend loved going to Costco with him. He would shield her from the negative energies in the store and she would shop freely like she owns the place. He asks if he could call me instead of texting because it would be easier to talk.I am trying to keep an open mind. Maybe what he is trying to say is getting lost in translation? Maybe I could learn something? Maybe this will be entertaining ? Ok  I say lets chat.

Why did I say Yes?

His vibe seemed very friendly when we were messaging and now he sounds like a brute. His tone is a notch below yelling . Uh oh,  I think I may have upset Thor The Mighty God of Thunder. Thor has many topics he needs to discuss with me. first, he ends the Costco Topic by telling me that I am a butterfly and I would love going with him. I am a butterfly because  the most simple task overwhelms me because I am highly sensitive. He would love to take me to Costco one day but not to expect him to take me all the time. Do I give the impression that I need someone to hold my hand to walk in life? That I can’t stand on my own two feet? Also..What is up with this man and Costco? wtf? I would never want to ever disturb Thor the Mighty God of Thunders schedule. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.

Thor Changes the subject. Lets give Thor the floor!!!!  I learned from Thor that the reason why I have never fully let go with a man before is because I have only been with boys and not men like him. To my detriment I shared with him that I have never fully let go emotionally and sexually with a Man before. Seems I have never felt safe enough or cared for enough to fully let go. Now , Thor has the answers that I need and the power I need as well. Ok Thor enlighten me . He says that he is an Alpha male and women need to submit in order for a relationship to work. His tone is harsh and this person wants a women to drop her guard while being afraid for her life? All I pictured in my Mind was him yelling, I AM An ALPHA MALE  and you will SUBMIT to me NOW !!!!! Baby Jesus Of Nazareth, I would rather drink Liquid Drano.

Thor is in love with the teachings of this motivational speaker and this mans daughter. I don’t remember their names and truthfully I didn’t care enough to take note. He wants to talk to the husband of this Lady Motivational speaker because he wants to know how to score a women like her. He also has a work wife and she is an Alpha as well. They are great work partners. Thor jokes with her husband and lets him know that she is his work wife but there is no jealousy between them. Thor has integrity.  I would bet money that Thor’s Alpha work wife’s Husband feels very confident in the fact That Thor is not a threat to their Marriage. Unless there is a Costco battle between them. Does this guy think I am gonna even try to measure up to his ridiculous standards? Does this guy have a clue that if any women is going to submit that she needs to feel safe? Buddy is busting out of the gate like a psychotic animal with rabies yelling you must submit!!! and he is wondering why he can’t be a successful Alpha Dog? He doesn’t even know what an Alpha is. Alphas are Leaders that you trust and count on to be there and Thor is starving for the Alpha spot. He is foaming at the mouth because he isn’t being accepted into the pack.

Then he tells me that the reasons my relationships in the past have not worked out is because it is my fault. I am dying of laughter right now as I am writing this. I am laughing so hard my stomach hurts. Everything is my fault and everything that has happened to me is my fault as well. He tells me that his Ex wife blamed him for everything. Since then, Thor has taken responsibility for himself but he knows most things were his his ex wife’s fault and not his. At this Point I began to see the top dog Right here. I should have named Thor Snoop Dooogg !! It’s the mother fucken D-O double G . Never Mind Snoop is awesome so the name wouldn’t fit. Lets continue.

I mentioned I am in school  and Thor  believes  my new career path  will not work because people will not be willing  do the work it takes to heal themselves. Thor is obviously speaking from experience. What disturbs me the most out of all of this is that I sat there and listened to this Lunatic speak. I was in denial. There was no way this was real. There is going to a punch line somewhere or an insight here ,wouldn’t there be ? I like to Learn different perspectives on how other people see life and to Learn different views on topics. I  signed up for an intellectual conversation and I ended up being met with a little boy in Alpha dog training  who has a bruised ego. I want my money back ! There was nothing worthwhile that came out of this conversation except for a story to laugh about on my Blog. I guess it all worked out.

This is my Theory on what in all that is holy is going on with our Thor the Mighty God of thunder.  I believe we are responsible for how we respond to our life events and for how we interpret our life events. This is where we can empower ourselves. Things that happen to us that are out of our control are not our faults. We have a responsibility to ourselves to take on the parts that  belongs to us to learn and grow from. To let go of parts that are not ours to own and to let go of what we cannot control. That is what wine is for. Thor was cut throat and there seemed to be a fear that lived inside him of  blame being placed  harshly on him and he wants to avoid that from ever happening to him again. He builds this pedestal around these idols such as his favourite motivational speakers so that someone could never attain to that standard. This will keep his love interest aiming  for something unattainable in hopes to receive love from him that will most likely be given sparingly or if at all. Thor will keep a person feeling like they will never measure up so that someone is kept feeling small . This gives him control and this way he feels safe like an Alpha and safe in ever having anyone have power in blaming him ever again. I threw in the Alpha as a joke.

He was wounded and mean. He says he is always wanting to learn and loves self improvement but when It comes to his opinions he is a black and white thinker. He contradicts himself.  I obviously don’t know for sure what his deal was and this was just a guess. Maybe he just has rabies and the answer is that simple. I don’t know if he was sniffing  glue or if he ate an edible but his head was so far up his ass that he made no sense. I guess my dreams of being with a man who makes people more powerful because he is a lightening bolt has been crushed. I had a note pad and pen out ready as he expressed all the wonderful qualities his Motivational speaker crush had and I was so eager to start working on being like her rather than being myself. When I was a young girl, I used to dream of Meeting a very powerful Alpha who would take me to Costco. Now, my dreams are crushed and I will Never be powerful.

I am using humour to deal with these unpleasant and discouraging experiences because You can’t let people get you down in life. People who are amazing will always lift you up, not knock you or kick you when you’re down. We can be the best amongst each other and lift each other up. There is no need to beat someone down because you’re hurting or because you’re miserable in life. unless you are powerful and can escort people in Costco. Unless you have that power then you need to simmer down Sir. You don’t know someone until you walk though life with a person on a daily. Many people lack in self awareness and they truly believe they are a certain way but are clueless to the fact that they are not how they see themselves. However; some people are just full of shit. I know personally I need to work on communicating my feelings. I know how to deal with my emotions and know how to take care of myself but I am scared to share my feelings because I don’t feel safe being vulnerable. Communication is key in a relationship so I am screwed. I know the right man for me will be patient with me on this and help me feel safe opening up. I am looking forward to developing better communicating skills.  We all lack in self awareness in some way and as along we face ourselves honestly it is doable. People who bandaid their bleeding  wounds, use people and blame others for their pain are people that are very dangerous to care for. They will take you down with them. Wish them well and be on your way. They are not worth it.

Thor thou… He came in Guns hot and immediately made it very obvious that he was a Hell NO !! These are the best outcomes because you don’t waste any time investing in people who are like this. It’s the best to learn the truth right away ! I was sincerely open to hearing about his journey in life so far and engaging with him but It was not enjoyable talking to an arrogant and mean person.  I love talking about life , I love learning but this felt like an attack.  I find it really sad that having a meaningful conversation with someone in the dating world to be rare. The lack of respect between people in dating makes it hard to enjoy meeting people . If someone treats you badly it is says everything about them in who they are and not about you. People who are together lift others up not tear them down. I am glad I know better than to listen to him knock me down about my school and misjudgements of me. I hope he doesn’t hurt anyone with his anger because being intimate with someone is a place where we are so vulnerable and it is horrible to destroy someone. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, oh wait… maybe on … Kidding. If you destroy someone emotionally that is murder. The person may never recover and while they are hurting they may be here physically but that person you once knew is gone. We need to be kind to each other. Humour heals. I can only hope that one day I can be as amazing as his work wife. I wish him and his Pretend wife the best and I can only hope that one day he will want to be with me. Until then, I will be  waiting eagerly and will be perfecting my craft by trying to be like his motivational speaker crush lady and work wife .I was so happy to end the call with him. That is 30 minutes of my life that I will never get back. I walk away feeling good knowing I gave it my all. Next !

I am so excited to share these hilarious dating stories with you. I am going to start with the less funny stories first and then move onto the more funny ones later . I already have a handful of stories here to share. Pop some popcorn, garb some wine or whatever you are in the mood for. It’s Girls night !

Let’s sum up my last year and bring you up to speed on my life. I got my heart destroyed, and didn’t make it out alive. Picked my ass up off the cold concrete ground because I am no ones victim and  took some much needed time for myself to heal and focus on my wellbeing. I worked with some healers that helped me get strong again and  that helped me find my way back. I felt worthless and deeply sad. I was so lost and in a lot of emotional pain. I am so fortunate to have the best of friends in the world who gave me the love, space and support I needed to get through the heart ache. Life is a series of dying and rebirths and so now I am back! Now that you are briefly  up to speed with my  past  We can now move onto the present.

In May, I had this bright idea to start putting myself out there again. I am not in a hurry to commit to anyone and truthfully a big part of me is disinterested in dating. I would love to meet the right man but the process of dating can be dreadful. It is healthy to get out there and meet people so I cleaned up my bad attitude and decided to to get out there. I made some ground rules for myself to make sure I invest only  in people with whom I will have  healthy connections with. These ground rules are : This man has to be a Hell Yes or else He is a Hell No, if I am to get off line with him. I will not invest in anyone who doesn’t invest in me as well, and I am not extending  the vulnerable parts of myself to anyone unless we have a strong friendship ,mutual respect for one another and reciprocity, to start. He has to come meet me whole as a person because I will not be a healer to any broken man . Been there , done that once before against my better judgement and never again. For a long time I have believed attraction is the same as being drunk and we never make major decisions while we are drunk. I want to take my time and focus on their character. You can never be surrounded by enough good people. Genuine and trustworthy people are hard to come by and I appreciate every one of these people I have in my life today. This mindset makes me feel safe and assured that I am going into dating with my eyes wide open. Sometimes my head is up my ass and I have paid for it.  An intimate relationship is one of the most vulnerable places you can be in life. So scary !! This is a place where you can be destroyed and I am only interested in letting the right man in. I want A Man where we can be our best selves with and where we bring out the best in each other or else what is the point? Life is already hard enough as it is.

With Mixed emotions I create my on line dating account. With my bad attitude I say to myself ,this is so stupid, as I fill out these questions that need to be filled out for my profile. You only know who someone truly is when you actual walk through life with them on a daily. You learn their habits, how they make choices and what they value in life. Will they be there for you when you’re not ok? or will they leave you to die in your time of need? etc…Talk is cheap. You don’t know until you know. These questions on this account seem like a bullshit job interview.

My account goes live!  Now, I would like to introduce you to Master Williams. Handsome Guy this Master Williams and very sexy body.  I am not going to use real names because this is not about bashing anyone or harming anyone. We are here for laughs ! He will be named after Will smith from Fresh Prince of Bell Air because I love Will smith. The laughter this sitcom gave me , got me through some really dark days growing up. I call This Man Master Williams because he gave me the impression that he was looking for a Butler. Let me Explain…..

Master Williams and I began talking and we both seemed to be looking for the same things in a person. Loyal, trust worthy, genuine , blah blah blah. Before I agreed to meet with him I let him know I have a cat named Lynx. His full name is Lynx Jose Cristiano Tiago Don Lewis Botelho. I am from a Portuguese Heritage and I gave Lynx an exaggerated immigrant name. You all remember Don Lewis? Carol Baskins husband who was fed to the Tigers? I gave Lynx his name so that Don would not die in Vain. I adopted Lynx from the shelter and Lynx and I are a package. He is the sweetest boy who was abandoned as I was ,and I promised him that we will always be family. This cat is a dog. He is the sweetest and kindest boy. He loves to snuggle and play. He is my family. Master Williams tells me he is allergic to cats so I say ok well it was nice to meet you. He says, WHOW Slow down, lets not pull the plug just yet. Then I realize oh right; I guess I should hear him out. Master Williams tells me he would like to meet me anyways and that he has a solution .

I had an ex who was allergic to cats. when we started dating I told him about Lynx but he never mentioned allergies until he started to have them when he was over at my place. He told me he would get allergy shots and that it would be ok. He never followed through on his word to deal with his allergies and Lynx began to annoy him. I got an air purifier to help him breath but My ex didn’t do his part in dealing with his allergies. He started thinking that I would conveniently choose him over Lynx. It was awful seeing him try to be mean to Lynx and I had to tell him not to be rude to him. It became awful to have him over because Sweet little Lynx was an issue for him. so I shared this with Master Williams and I told him I just don’t want to deal with that noise again.

Master William provided me with a solution. He let me know how things would go down in my home. He proceeds to tell me that his Ex had a cat and when they were together she would mostly stay at his house.  Oh nice I thought, I have a cat who was abandoned previously and I will barley see him if I decide to settle for Master Williams . Sounds like a dream so far. I  continued to stay openminded to his suggestions and he continues to tell me that when he comes over that Lynx can be with us in the same room but that Lynx can’t sit on him. Ok, that is doable I thought.  Also, when Master Williams sleeps over , Lynx would not be allowed to join us in the bedroom. I let this suggestion process for a second and thought to myself ,but what makes him think that Lynx is the one that would get the couch ? He just assumed Lynx gets the couch in my home? He continues on to say that I will also be needing to wash the bedsheets every time before he comes over. Master Williams would need clean sheet to make his stay the most comfortable. I can’t wait to be his Butler! I could offer him breath mints upon arrival and perhaps a hot towel so that he can unwind as he settles in for the night. All of this extra hard work and Master Williams would be the prize in the end! Lucky Me !  We have not even started dating and I already have  extra loads of laundry to do and extra cleaning. I am looking for a soft place to land not an extra job. I am already in school and have two jobs, I don’t need three.

Truthfully, what makes me laugh and set me off about master Williams was not that he had allergies but that he had no regards to how I felt about anything. He just informed me on how he thought things would go down.  He was like a bull in a china shop. A better approach would have been to ask me how I felt about Lynx not being able to be in the bedroom and together find a solution. Perhaps offer to bring his own bed sheets or to offer to clean them himself. This would have given me the impression he was a considerate person. I am not a Butler. Also what would have been good would have been to  show interest in my relationship with Lynx instead of behaving like Lynx needs to move over because there is a new sheriff in town. There lots of love to go around, no one needs to be excluded. My instincts were screaming for me to run for the hills.I got really bad vibes and heart palpitations . He came across as self centred . I could be totally wrong about him but I chose to trust my instincts. For me, It is usually not what someone is saying but how they say it. The  style in which someone communicates that really says a lot about who they are. He did not demonstrate any sensitivity  or kindness. No awareness on how his extra chores would fall on me or how I felt about his suggestions. I didn’t want to go through having a man hate Lynx again. It was an awful and heart breaking experience.  I told Master Williams that I am not interesting in meeting him anymore. Yes, I chose my Cat Lynx over him.

I feel very protective of the life I have built for myself so far.  I have not accomplished anything to write home about. I won’t be making it into the guiness book of world records. There will be no legacy after me when I am gone but my inner peace means world to me. I truly enjoy my own company and for me to welcome someone into my life ,he has to add onto it or else I am content on my own. In the end what made me lose interest in him was I didn’t feel good about him as a person. You have to feel good about yourself  in a relationship for it to be worth it. Compromising myself for him would have made me sad. I know I jumped the gun a bit ,but I still feel good about my decision to not meet Master Williams. I love this story because It makes me laugh! Master Williams was a Hell No !

My Self care approach after this guy was a great laugh and long hot shower. I was exhausted after working through all of Master Williams lists of chores. When I am stressed and don’t have time to pamper myself, I love to leave a candle on, turn off all the lights and take a shower in the candle light. The dim lights Make me feel calm and helps me  escape into the mystery of the night. I dream of vacationing in Hawaii and enjoying one of those outdoor showers made out of wood they have in some Air BnB’s  there. To be able to look up at the moon and stars and shower in the magical island of Hawaii is definitely on my bucket list. After my shower , I slipped into bed and Lynx jumped into my arms like a loving snuggle bug. As I dosed off with Lynx in my arms and not on the couch I thought to myself, Thank God I am single.

For many years I have had a strong passion for reading and writing. I found myself feeling excited to write even with the most boring writing opportunities such as meeting minutes. The thought of this makes me laugh. I am aware writing meeting minutes is very boring but I found satisfaction in describing and writing down the topics discussed. Putting everything down on paper was fun for me. There are so many topics I am interested in writing about but there is a lack of direction in where I want to go. Then, this morning! I thought of the best topic to develop my writing skills on and it’s My dating life.

I have the most random funniest stories ever, and you can’t make this mess up. I thought how great would this be to share this laughter with people. Since my blog is about health, then what better medicine than laughter? I will combine these funny stories but keep all people private because this is not about slamming people or hurting anyone. I want to approach this with a light heart and maybe on this journey we can all learn a thing or two together to make this useful. I will also include some of my health adventures. I love learning about healthy foods, sleep remedies, pampering and so much more. I will share what I am doing for my health and the self care approaches I take after going on these interesting mind blowing dates.

This will be a journey into self love and Learning to be detached from outcomes. Loving yourself first, and making your wellbeing the top priority. Always. In the end, we are the ones who have to live with ourselves. The measure of our self worth determines what we are willing to accept or not in life. Lets never settle ! We don’t know if we will be here tomorrow or even in the next hour, and investing our true selves within intimate relationships need to be invested with those who truly value, love and appreciate us if we are looking for something real. however; why not have a blast laughing our asses of in the meantime! Lets have fun. Life is too short ! I truly believe happiness comes from within ourselves first and the people we invite into our lives to join us are the icing on the cake.

I am exited to see where this writing journey will take me and would love for you to join me in some laughter and girl talk. Boys are welcome too, If you dare . I am excited to share these stories with you and hope to lift your spirit while I try finding my way. I am going to be so pissed if my dates starts going well now. Let the journey Begin !

If you are alive today then you are like me self isolating at home with the rest of the world. I have just finished my 14 day isolation, been Laid off from my dream Job, and it happened literally what felt like over night.

I pass the time Meditating, writing, reading, talking with friends, watching Netflix, and trying to remain hopeful that life will return back to normal soon. I wake up in the morning and It feels like someone has punched me in the face. I try and keep a positive mindset by listening to positive pod casts, taking courses,  learning  and the only expectation I have  is to do the next best thing for myself each day. 1 small thing is enough to keep going. One day at a time.

I am so grateful that we have internet because this allows us to keep in touch with each other. We can play virtual board games with friends and family through out the world. Netflix has shared Viewing so you can watch movies together with loved ones. This is a huge positive for us. We have Tic Tok ,Snap chats and all sort of Other platforms that keep us laughing and our spirits up. Imagine if this Pandemic happened before the internet? this would have been a lot harder for us.

We need to come together and help each other pull through this. Many Acts of kindness are being spread. People bringing people groceries and care packages to people in isolation awaiting to be tested for COVID-19. Gratitude ! So much gratitude and love is being expressed to our health care workers, Flight attendants bringing Canadians home safe, Police officers, Paramedics, Grocery store clerks, Mechanics, All essential businesses. These people have all showed up for us when It is safer for them to be home. There are no words that can express the gratitude.

All of this change and loss has me reflecting on what really matters in life. so many things that we took for granted, things that we thought mattered but now doesn’t seem to matter all that much. I want to keep trying and to keep aiming at living my best life but something has shifted. What is a strong foundation to build on going forward? we still need to look after ourselves but do we need the big house and fancy cars? not that there is anything wrong with this but all these things seem insignificant now. what will the world look like in another 8 to 10 years? do we keep building a life as usual when it all can just be taken away again over things that are beyond our control? The answer is to keep going and keep living but maybe the with a new focus around what really does matter. It seems to make more sense now to follow our inspirations, follow what really makes us happy. There was an article I read that was based on regret in life. They asked a number of Elderly people what their top regrets were in life. One of the top regrets was that they wished they had the courage to live the life that they truly wanted for themselves and not cared so much about living up to the expectations of what other people have placed on them. Now is the time to start exploring what our authentic life looks like. Once the world gets back to normal ask yourself  where was the one place you have always wanted to go? What about something you have always wanted to learn? Are you willing to break free from your fears and do that one thing you have always dreamed of doing? even if it is doing it in baby steps?  Do you wish you could do more for someone? or spend more time with someone? Is there a career you have always wanted to explore? If money was not an issue what would be the one thing you would love to be doing? Life is not meant to be about just working and paying Bills.

We don’t take any of these possessions with us when we die and everything can be lost over night anyway. There were never any guarantees in life we’ve always known this so we need to re build anyway, and we can’t just give up or quit, but lets not fall back asleep into a life on Autopilot. Don’t put your bucket list on the back burner anymore. Maybe instead of building our bucket list around our life maybe we are better off building our life around our bucket list instead?

Today what got me through the day was doing an act of kindness for a friend. I was evaluating how unfulfilled I have been in my life. Some call the place I am in The Dark Night of the soul. Where you have achieved most of what you wanted but are not fulfilled. I have been told that this place is the ultimate failure.  I have achieved almost all that I have ever wanted. There is still much more I want to achieve and many people have achieved a lot more than I have. I never really wanted for much , but I have achieved what I thought would make me happy only to arrive at this place feeling so unfulfilled and not having a clue why. I  reflected today and was able to achieve some awareness which is positive so I can make changes and heal accordingly. What saved me today though was doing something really nice for a really special friend who is like a sister to me. that helped me get out of my head and into my heart space. Living with an open heart is key. By doing this act of kindness today I got a glimpse of what it means to live a life that is bigger than you. Oprah and Many of the greats ask God to use them for a bigger purpose. A purpose that is bigger than them and to use them for the greater good. That Is the kind of life I want to make. A life based on a purpose that is bigger than me. To add value in peoples lives and to do my small part in making this world a better place. This is the only life that makes sense rebuilding because in the end of all this madness all that we truly have to count on is each other.

A short Story……

The smell of Morning coffee filled the air in this Lived in tree house where four lovely ladies who were more like sisters than friends had slept . Elsa, Siera, Sabrina and Natasha were about to experience a vibrant day full of love, laughter, Mystery and adventure on Salt Spring Island. The rooms they slept in were cozy and filled with love . The silence of the morning allowed the sound of the wood burning fire place to comfort their souls as they gently woke in their warm beds from a sound sleep. Today was going to make for a great day. The sky was grim and rain was in the forecast but the day felt mystical, light hearted and exciting . The ladies shared their morning coffee on the balcony that Overlooked the ocean up high on a stunning Mountain top . This House that was built amongst the trees was breath taking. The Ladies Enjoyed the warmth of their aromatic hot cup of coffee and listened in stillness as the smells and sounds of nature took over.

Before they knew it, it was time to venture off to an Alchemy Farm where they would explore the sound vibrations of one of the greatest gifts that nature has to offer us; flowers. The ladies were about to listen to the vibration of energy that exists within flowers.  A women who owned this intriguing sound garden was named Isla. Isla would introduce these ladies to the energy  frequency these flowers vibrated  by translating  the  energy frequencies  into sound . Isla seemed like an Earth Angel to the ladies and she greeted them warmly. Her blond hair shinned and her warm smile  was filled with joy when she saw them. Isla welcomed the ladies with a warm and loving hug and was eager to introduce them to her Beautiful sound garden . Isla had taken pride in the fact that in just a short time she had been able to create this Flower Haven that has been a sustainable environment for her friendly pollinators. There was so much life in this beautiful and colourful sound Garden.

The ladies headed into this mystery garden with curiosity that filled their hearts. The Sound garden was filled with an abundance of colourful and fragrant Flowers. The energy in the garden was calm and energizing. Being around all this life energy lifted their spirits and strongly connected them to the Earth . Each flower bed the ladies listened to produced a different melody. Elsa and Natasha danced to the music these flowers made  like mischievous little children, while Sabrina and Siera souls took to the garden like they were home.

Together the Ladies laughed at the somber sound vibrations that came from a  flower named Lucifer. The song was dark unlike the rest of the flowers and with the sound of their laughter they all agreed together that the dark sound matched the name of the flower perfectly.  The time in the garden passed by so quickly as they laughed and played inside the tall flower beds . The garden brought out their inner child and in that time for them there was not a single care that existed  in their world.

The sound of their laughter carried throughout this garden as they enjoyed this joyful experience and  the sound vibrations between the ladies and the flowers in this healing garden became reciprocal . As the visit sadly came to an end the ladies recognized how much lighter  their souls were  than when they had originally walked in. The  connection they felt  to this vibrant nature brought them the confirmation that we are meant to thrive here in this life and that  a deeper meaning exists to being here . The experience of being able to hear the frequencies  of energy in these flowers through sound suggested to them that there might be more to this life than what  can be seen with the human eye. There is another world that exists amongst us and if we decide to believe it, then we will see evidence of this.

The Ladies left this healing sound garden with a deep longing to return . Isla sent them off with a message for each of them with her oracle cards. The readings that came from Islas  Oracle cards was just the beginning of what these ladies would uncover for themselves surrounding their lifes purpose on this day. So far the day brought them excitement, mystery and hope. This day would lead them onto a path where the truth would not be possible  to ignore anymore. The Ladies headed on with their day and had no idea what was waiting for them once they reached the cross roads at their next adventure.

It was time for the ladies  to leave this mystical island and head back home.  With a set of new eyes created by their experience in the magical garden, the  ladies  reached the pier where they would wait for their ferry boat to arrive and head home. The ladies were ahead of schedule and realized they had time to grab something to eat. They had not eaten much that morning. They had  a fair amount of time to have something to eat before the ferry was scheduled to arrive.

Off in the distance, Elsa noticed a cafe that was  warm in appearance. This  Mystical cafe and book store was enchanting  and you could see in the distance that warm white smoke was coming from the chimney. The ladies were  drawn to the warmth and welcoming  vibe that this magical looking cafe gave off.  The smell of warm homemade bread lead them closer as they walked  towards the unique looking  cafe and book store. The ladies were taken back at how extraordinary this  cafe appeared. The outside structure of the cafe  was built of cement in the warm colour of  midnight blue that also had a comforting warm purple tinge to it. The outside walls of the cafe were designed with creative drawings made up of half moons  in a deep rusted yellow and mustard matt colour combined with the contrast of  bright sparkling white stars, making the cafe and bookstore even more magical up close. This cafe was special and something remarkable was about to happen once the ladies entered this extraordinary establishment.

The sound of wind chimes traveled throughout the room as the ladies walked through the entrance  that was made of Beadedstring bamboo wood curtains.  The ladies looked through the ceiling  and saw Live and vibrant artistic drawings of nature. There existed drawings of soft blue magical birds, trees and majestic fairies . Small areas of the ceiling were made of glass and the ladies were able to see the white clouds in the sky as they looked through the glass past the ceiling.  As they glanced around at the cozy room they could see pillars made of bark that were earthy and deep rich brown in colour  through out the room. It was as if the trees were growing in this room ,and suddenly the ladies felt as if they had just become part of an enchanted forest. The room smelled of fresh morning rain from all the live plants that stood tall everywhere and this gave the room a comfortable coolness and fresh feel.  There were fluffy emerald green and mustard yellow couches all over the room with round wooden tables giving the space a homie feel. The shelves were filled with intriguing Books that looked as though you could escape into another world when reading them. The sweet smell of the burning incense calmed the room and was uplifting. The ambiance was made with Birch bark candles that lite the room with a sense of spiritual mystery.

In the other room they could see a bright and beautifully lit  wood burning fire place that lead them into the kitchen.  The ladies now filled with hunger walked inside the room where they were met by a mysterious looking women by the name of Lilja. Lilja  was extremely curious about their arrival and began reading them. She spoke to them as if she had known them for years, and carried herself  with a look of a mysterious knowing ,as if she had hidden information to share with them . This room was warmer than the room located by the entrance  and the smell of a cozy wood burning fire traveled throughout it.  Lilja welcomed the ladies as she stood over her deep burgundy clay cooking pot that sat over a wood burning stove. The comforting sound of the boiling water rose and she cooked her healing chicken noodle soup over the steam. The smell of  this healing soup embraced their souls as the fragrance from the fresh spices soothed and calmed their hearts.

Lilja knew she had special information to gift them and the Ladies could tell by the expression on her face that she had been expecting them.  Time stood still as they remained present in the company of this mysterious women. Liljas dark black pinned straight hair added more mystery to her and her clothing resembled that of a powerful enchantress. She expressed how humbled she was to meet them and asked if they were prepared for the full moon that was coming within the next few days. This Moon is bringing an enormous  healing for you along with magical gifts she told the ladies . The Ladies have all been living in a place of searching within their lives presently ,and they were looking for a higher meaning and a deeper purpose. Lilja Knew that the ladies were searching for meaning  so she began to disclose the information she had for them in more depth.

This life is meant to be lived with an open heart filled with fulfillment and meaning. You must follow the path that lights you up inside she continued. Fear is not real and disguises itself as reality but just as the famous saying goes, fear is false evidence appearing real. Don’t believe the emotions that tell you that you need to run and hide from who you truly are for those are false stories that were created by you to try and make sense of the pain.

We never have to fear losing love as long as we nourish and appreciate it. We must live with an open heart and be brave enough to be our true selves. Never be afraid to be unloved for who you are because if the love is real then it  will never die. Love may change forms and grow ,but real love will always remain when it exists in its pure form. Loved ones may swerve off onto another path that is different from yours and you may have to go your separate ways from those you love but the love between you will always remain if it was true. You don’t need to be what others want you to be in order to be loved for Love exists within itself. It either exists between two people or it doesn’t so you must not measure your self worth based on whether or not someone loves or approves of you for this story is untrue. You can’t force love to happen so if  love is not reciprocated to you then don’t let that minimize you or make you feel less than. In this case  Love yourself  first, Love them anyway ,and move on. She began to clarify that she was referring to all forms of love whether it be between lovers or relatives, whom ever it may be with.  She wanted the ladies to have a true understanding of how important it is to live life with an open heart and to embrace all forms of love that honour your wellbeing . Life is not what happens to us she continued but is what meanings we give to our situations when we create our stories based on our life experiences.

The world needs you to step up and honour your purpose. Come alive inside and walk in the knowing that we are here to learn lessons and to grow . This message frustrated the ladies and it met them with a bit of resistance. There was a lot of forgiveness that needed to take place inside their hearts before any of this could become possible. None the less the ladies decided to continue listening to Lilja with an open heart.

Lilja continued and expressed to them that the pain they feel is valid and very real but that there is a message inside these emotions that must be faced and is not to be feared. Our Emotions are our compass she explained ,and it is where our true guidance lives. In order to access this guidance you must live with an open heart. A closed heart blocks our knowing as to why we are truly here. The ladies laughed to themselves as they remembered that they were originally here to eat. This remark  brought  them some comic relief from this overload of meaningful information. Lilja looked at the ladies with a playful amusement and she understood how all this information could have been too much for them to digest all at once.

Lilja continued on saying , embrace all your emotions because even the difficult ones have something very meaningful to tell us. If we can remain still in our discomfort of them long enough to just listen then we will find the answers we are looking for.  Let go of the expectations that others have placed on you for your reasons for being here are not based on filling the empty needs of others. Trying to live life by living up to the expectations of others would be considered a path of  self sacrifice and is not necessary. This path will lead you astray. Others are more than competent of solving their own matters themselves and it is considered to be a great  disservice to them for you to take their life lessons away from them by trying to save them.

Be an example of a life that is heaven on Earth and demonstrate that a creative and fulfilling life  is possible and the rest is up to them. Don’t carry the burdens of others because they don’t belong to you. Loving them and praying for them is enough. The world is experiencing  a desperate  time of  deep separation and is in dyer need of healing. Remember that we are not here on this Earth for eternity so don’t build your life as if you will be here forever , for one day we will exist in another realm once our spirits  have left our bodies. Break free from the blind folds that have been built in our minds and embrace your inner knowing of who you are and why you are really here. We are not here to just pay bills and exist; for all this, one day ,will be gone and you will take none of your possessions with you.

Love  yourselves and nourish your souls unapologetically in all the ways you are craving and fill yourself up so that you are able to give of yourself happily. The gift of giving is sacred and is a treasure to be cherished and celebrated. Don’t allow anyone to convince you that the life you dream of is not possible for that is a reflection of their false beliefs within themselves and is not the truth of what is in fact possible for you. Failure only exists when you give up for even if you don’t achieve the exact goal you set to begin with , you will still end up a lot further than where you started. Making this critical decision to try will always move you closer  towards your higher purpose. Be flexible, shift , make positive changes, rest but never give up.

Be of service to this world. The ladies laughed to each other and whispered “oh is that all” sarcastically suggesting that her message would be simple to follow.  Lilja understood the overwhelming affect that her message brought on the ladies and it filled her with the light of laughter. They all shared in this laughter that brought them a moments relief.  Lilja finished by telling them that they are not failures but  are merely learning. We are all sharing hard times here and we are all have fears and life lessons to experience and overcome. The quickest way to overcome a shattered heart when life throws hard times our way is to dive into a purpose that is helpful to others who are in more need  than we are. A reason to go on that is bigger than you.  Always be kind because we don’t know what other people like us are going through. A small act of kindness can have an enormous positive rippling affect.

She challenged the ladies to commit to a new beginning as this Full moon approached . This Full Moon would cleanse the pain of the past and bring forth new beginnings for them. The Ladies remained still as Lilja words sank deeply into their hearts. In this moment it became clear that  it was time to make meaningful changes in  their lives. Lilja could see that the ladies had heard enough of her message for the time being and knew that more information would not help them and would only overwhelm them so much more than it already had.

Lilja offered the ladies a warm bowl of her healing and fragrant chicken soup. Liljas voice brought them back from their deep thoughts, snapping them out of the blankness they were staring ahead into. They all happily agreed. The ladies sat in silence as Lilja placed these colourful bowls of warm soup in front of them and  they simply  sat there and observed the warmth that was rising from the flavourful looking  rich broth. The soup was the perfect temperature of warmth and was soothing to devour. The warm flavours opened their taste buds  perfectly as they enjoyed  the flavourful chicken broth. With each spoonful, the healing soup brought  comfort to their souls. The ladies were all in their own world as they enjoyed their meal. They remained silent but stayed connected. The last bite was so satisfying and then it was time to go.

The Ladies expressed their gratitude towards Lilja for all the time she had given them and for all the loving messages. The ladies promised her that they would commit to learning about their lifes purpose  and would learn what it meant. Going forward , they would create  higher meanings for themselves as to why they are here. Lilja was overwhelmed with Joy about hearing this declaration and knew that the ladies would follow through on their promises

Before they left Lilija reached over and gave each of them their own special sand dollar that she had collected from the sea. On the back there would be a small message written  that is different for each of  them behind each sand dollar . We are all here on this Earth for a greater purpose no matter how big or small. One purpose is not more important than the other and each of us holds a strong significance for being here .Ones purpose can be as simple as a small act of kindness each day, such as holding a door for another person or by giving a warm smile to a stranger. Your purpose does not have to be a business or a huge purpose that reaches the masses or it might be. Either way You will know your living in your purpose because acting on it  will fulfill you within your heart and soul. You will know when because time will stand still. As you live in your purpose you will know because you will be practicing it with joy and fulfillment . Trust yourself and your inner guidance to lead you there. Follow your inspirations and joys that live within you and trust these emotions when they come from a place of wellbeing and love because this is  your true guidance communicating to you . We are urgently calling all people to live out their lifes purpose now and we need to wake up to the fact that we only have a limited amount of time here to do so. Lilija instructed the ladies not to read their messages on the back of their sand dollar until they reach the pier and were by the water where they were set to leave. The ladies were excited and accepted Liljas gift with love and gratitude. Lilja sent them off and she felt accomplished and fulfilled in the work she had done with them .

The ladies were giddy and full of laughter as they rushed to the pier to read their messages.  They could see their breath as they laughed and they felt a comfort breathing in the air that  smelled of fresh rain . They felt as if they had just experienced being in a time wrap of some kind that stood still in space and time. They could not describe it. Perhaps they went into the future or entered some sort of vortex .

Filled with curiosity and excitement the ladies finally reached the pier so they could read their messages on the back of their sand dollars. They were by the water and were surrounded by the smell of fresh salt that was coming from the sea ,and they could feel the warm wind that revitalized them as they stood in the freshness of this salty air.

Siera looked at hers first . She flipped her sand dollar over and on the back it read. Forgive yourself for you are here to help heal, and you are so loved.  In this message Siera realized these life experiences that she has had  were meant to prepare her for helping others. Her experiences made it possible for her to relate to the healing of those lives she is here to help in a loving and compassionate way. Without these experiences she could not be able to relate to these people with the same depth and understanding.

Sabrina went next and her sand dollar read : you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Trust yourself . Sabrina realized how lost she had been and in that moment she knew that no time in her life had been waisted after all. She had realized that everything in her life had taken place at the right moment and right time as life had intended to be for her. She promised herself that going forward she would live her life to the fullest and that she would not let anyone convince her that how she was living was wrong ever again.

Natashas  message read you are already free. You’re limited only by your mind.  Natasha realized that she had been free this whole time. She had to mend her broken heart and was being held back by her fear of the unknown. She promised herself that she would be brave going forward in the face of the unknown and that she would get comfortable with being uncomfortable so she could live her life being free. That if she loved herself then it would be enough for now, and that everything will soon fall into place.

Elsa was so intrigued by her soul sisters messages that she couldn’t  wait to read hers, but when she reached into her pocket she couldn’t find her sand dollar. Elsa became worried that she had dropped it  along the way and without hesitation she turned the corners and ran back to the enchanted Cafe and book store.

Elsa ran hard with every last breath. She was so focused on where she may have dropped her sand dollar that she  wasn’t paying any attention to her surroundings. She didn’t notice at first  that the Mystical Cafe had become very different in appearance. When she finally looked up her heart sank in disbelief. The Magical cafe and book store was now just an ordinary looking cafe. She looked around in doubt that maybe she had pin pointed the cafes location incorrectly, but when she looked around all she saw were shops and restaurants near by. The enchanted cafe and book store was nowhere in sight. Elsa decided to walk inside this cafe anyways because she needed more evidence to confirm this disbelief that the cafe had just disappeared. This was impossible she thought to herself.

The inside of this  cafe felt  warm and friendly and smelled of old paper books but was completely different from the enchanted cafe and book store she had just spend so much time in minutes ago.  The cafe  was clean and modern looking with an up beat vibe, and had Basso Nova Jazz music playing in the background . She felt good in this place but it was nowhere near as incredible as the Mystical Cafe book store from before.

She walked into the other room where she had first met Lilja but she was gone too. Instead there was a friendly Gentlemen by the name of Jack who greeted Elsa with a smile as he was steaming warm milk for his customer who was in line. Jack told Elsa that he would be with her in a quick minute and that he was just finishing up. Elsa scanned the room and sadness came over her for the loss of this magical cafe and for the fact that she had misplaced her sand dollar. She had lost her important message. She told Jack that she was just looking at the menu and that she was fine. Just as Elsa was about to head for the door she looked down and turned to her feet. Her Sand dollar was right by her on the floor and with excitement she picked it up. She thanked Jack for his time and ran back to the pier to reunite with her friends once again.

The  other ladies were now in view as Elsa stepped back outside again and at that moment they also became aware that the Magical cafe and bookstore was no longer there. They were in just as much shock as when Elsa had first learned herself. When Elsa caught up to them she told them all about her experience in the new existing cafe and book store and then she opened her hand to show her friends her sand dollar. The ladies all laughed in amazement , excitement and disbelief confirming that what they all experienced together in that enchanting cafe and book store was real.

Finally Elsa looked at her sand dollar to read her message. Her sand dollar read: Remember who you are and Embrace  your calling. Elsa reflected on this and acknowledged to herself that there had been a knocking on her soul for some time now and she had not yet explored this calling.  It wasn’t that she failed to consider this knocking but that she was filled with content and joy overall  with her life that she didn’t feel that the knocking needed immediate attention. This new information brought her excitement for a new beginning and she felt assured that she would be dropped off at a better place in life than where she was left off. After listening  to Lilja she began to be filled with hope that life may be working for her after all and not against her. A flood of possibilities rushed through her heart and it made her feel safe and taken care of. For first time in a while Elsa believed that her life would make sense once again soon.  Elsas heart was filled with so much joy that she found her message, and she held her sand dollar close to her heart with so much relief and gratitude .

The trip home was silent for the ladies as they had much to think about . It was time for great changes to take place  in their lives and after the experience they all shared together on this mystical day, they all realized that there was no turning back now. This day that was full of knowledge , excitement and mystery that  had changed them forever.  Finding purpose could no longer be ignored. As they boarded their flight they thought about how reality would hit them once they would start their day tomorrow. The loudness of the world would come back, the emails, phone calls, demands, and they knew they needed a plan and a commitment to stay on track. In the cruise portion of thier flight the moon shined in from the atmosphere and into the Airfract. They were captivated  by the moons beauty and saw it in a different  light than they had seen it before. They felt cleansed  in this beautiful moon bath and they felt grateful to have shared this remarkable experience with each other.

They landed home in Paris ,and with heavy hearts they began to say their goodbyes to each other.  A new beginning would start the following day and they didn’t know where to begin. It takes courage to live out your lifes purpose and this path will bring up strong emotions of  fear for the unknown and heavy uncertainty . There would be no road map for them for they would have to create this life for themselves , but they were grateful that they didn’t have to go about it alone for they had each other.

Together they made a commitment that each day they would act on one small inspiration and follow the joy that lives in their hearts no matter how big or small. They promised that they would let their inner child live in them forever and to always remain curious and playful.  Also, to grow , learn and create a life that reflects the love that lives inside their hearts, and to be brave with whatever was thrown at them. They promised to make their life about something else besides themselves and to be of service for a greater purpose somehow no matter how big or small. They agreed that who they were as people was enough, and that all their efforts were enough . They embraced each other good bye with so much love and excitement and then they went off in their separate ways.

Elsa walked to her car with a smile that filled the lot as the light of the moon shined on her whole heartedly . The night was cool and dark and she felt grateful for all that she had. She appreciated this night and as she looked up into the nights sky she saw a bright shooting star. The star was one the brightest and biggest stars that she had ever seen. She made an empowering wish and opened her self up to receive this cosmic blessing.

The following day would swat them in the face as they woke but they would be ready. They would move forward carrying this experience with them in their hearts and this would keep them strong for no one could take what they had just learned away from them. This experience belonged to them and they would hold onto the faith  that there is more to this life then what they had been previously taught. They were convinced of this now and they were certain that they would find meaning . They would detach themselves from the life as they know it. Their new life had cost them their old one ,but they were willing to let their old life go. One small act of kindness at a time would make them more familiar as to what purpose lies within their soul. Acting on every inspiring thought based on love would lift theirs spirits more and more each day. Every new day would bring on a whole new insightful meaning as to why we are truly here. The days of just existing aimlessly ended on this new day and Just like that a new life purpose was born.

This Short Story is dedicated to my partner in crime and Loving Friend Ashley. I wrote this story from the heart for you. Thank you for giving me the idea to write this shorty story and for inspiring me to do so. You are always by my side and believe in me no matter what. You never judge my crazy ways and you make me laugh so hard. You are one of the greatest friends a girl can ask for and I am grateful for you. I am glad we became closer than work acquaintances . Hope you enjoy this story .Love you.

Over these last couple of months I was feeling really overwhelmed. I have had a lot going on with my work, and my personal life. Everything is so busy and so fast paced that there are long stretches of time where I feel I have very little  free time to do the things that I love. The hours in the days fly by so fast, and there are times when I feel like I race against the clock all day , and at the end of the day  ,I am left with the feeling that hardly anything got done in the end.

I headed to work last week feeling really bummed about the lack of time I have to do the things I  really enjoy. I had a Las Vegas overnight, and I was going to spend that time by the pool just relaxing so that I would not spend any money. I bought a fresh spinach and strawberry salad at the grocery store in Edmonton the night before ,along with some cauliflower and vegetables vegan balls for lunch ; For dinner, the plan was something simple ,and then off to bed early to catch up on lost sleep.

I got to Las vegas, and all I saw were Advertisements for Cirque du Soleil everywhere!!!!!!! I love Cirque, I think they are incredible. I hold a deep appreciation for them because there Talent is real. Cirque in my opinion, is one of the few entertainments that are not computerized, or photo shopped, etc… They are real , genuine, raw talent. From these Advertisements my desire to see them was born . I felt this huge passion to go!!!!!

It was a beautiful hot afternoon, and I thought to myself “Let me go and relax by the pool , and if in a few hours I still really want to go see Cirque I will figure it out from there”  . I really enjoyed hanging out by the water. I inhaled my salad and veggie balls; I had no idea how hungry I was until I started eating. I listened to my music and fell in and out of sleep, it was wonderful.  I dont always get to do this, so it is during times like these that I remember why I dreamed of becoming a flight Attendant. As the day went by, my desire for Cirque grew more and more and I could not shake it.

I have financial goals , and I am trying to save as much as possible, and not spend money on unnecessary things in the meantime. My decision to go see cirque was a real internal battle . Time was ticking, and the show was going to start at 7pm so I needed to think fast . I decided to go shower and head down to Treasure Island . I decided to get out of the hotel, and make my way over  to the ticket  counter. I made a deal with myself that If the tickets worked out to be too expensive then I would not buy them. I would pass on seeing the  show, and I would go for a walk instead, and get to bed early.

I get the counter and there is a bit of a line up. I took my spot in line, and had this lady standing behind me , practically breathing down my neck. Then she stood beside me, and I began wondering If something was wrong with the lady behind me. She was very angry, frustrated, and in my personal space. I decided to go with the flow, and If things were to become messy then I will take it a sign that I should just leave. The Lady behind me in line  was with a group of people and they didn’t really speak English. If I were to guess what they were all frustrated about ,it would be that they thought they were supposed to have a special line because they purchased tickets on the internet. It was a big drama.  They had one person go back and forth to and from the front of the  ticket counter to talk with a staff member to  figure out why they had to wait in the same line as everyone else. It was actually pretty funny.  They were causing a huge commotion .

It was finally my turn to buy a ticket while the frustrated VIP group was still behind me ha haa. As  I walked up to the counter I noticed the man behind the counter was really attractive . Sweet !! So Things were looking up for me. The Price for the ticket for that night was $50 dollars!!!! yayyyyy!!!!. SOLD!!! I get to see my Cirque du soliel without feeling bad. I was so excited I could not believe how affordable my ticket was. I grabbed a slice of pizza before the show, and headed inside. I practically had the whole row to myself.

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I watched Mystere at the Treasure Island Hotel and It took my breath away. I sat there in amazement the whole time. They always have a theme, so the shows are always different. The lights, the music, and the costumes are always so captivating. The show had dancing and singing, and amazing stunts. the acrobats are so skillful, strong, and they just do the impossible with their back flips, and balancing acts. Their talent truly is surreal. The show had comedy acts in between sets. They had me laughing and in amazement for the entire show. The 2 hours that I sat there felt like 20 minutes. There is no better medicine than laughter!!!

Since watching the show, I feel motivated again. I feel like a load of stress has been released just because of those amazing two hours away from reality. During the show I had no cares , and no worries. I was able to escape and rest my mind from the stresses that I had been going through. My blog is about food and health ,so why would I choose to write a piece on this experience ? Health is not just about the food we eat and exercise. Health is also about a healthy mind, and a positive perspective on life, and also on how we see ourselves. If we are always stressed and constantly feel pressured about the demands that are placed on us, then this alone can start chipping away at our health. Living for tomorrow is important, but what if there is no tomorrow? When you really think about it tomorrow really is not a guarantee. I have been trying to find that balance of living for today and a little bit for tomorrow. (in case if tomorrow ;I am in fact , still here. ) This is a challenge because Tomorrow, will forever ,be an unknown. I don’t want to blow all of my money and then be left with nothing, but at the same time I don’t want to save all this money and then be gone without the chance to have ever been able to enjoy it either.

Material things can be great, and there is nothing wrong with wanting material things, but in my personal opinion they are short lived. The more we have , the more we want. When we buy a material product , most times it brings us happiness for a short time, and then we want the next material thing. It can be a vicious cycle if you let it.I enjoy material things, but only to a certain point. Experiences on the other hand are memories we take with us. Experiences fill us up ,and that’s something that can never be lost or stolen. Experiences belong to us.  I could not shake the desire to want to go . no matter how long I tried to stall with my decision,  the feeling just grew stronger. The $50 dollars went a long way. It lifted my spirits to where I needed it to be so that I could feel motivated and inspired again. If we don’t make time to enjoy and have fun we start to become resentful of the things we must do in order to get ahead in life. When we feel good we see the world differently in a more positive light. Our ability to make decisions improves because we make them from a positive place. We see better options and greater possibilities. When we are bummed we just don’t care ,and we don’t see our options as clear because we have no motivation to improve.

On my way back to the hotel, the cab driver and I started to talk about philosophies on life. He started talking to me about how life is too short, and that we have to enjoy life or else we get depressed. He started to tell me how we don’t take our money with us when we die, and spending money on experiences is the best money spent.He said what is the point to only working in life, and he was right. It’s rare to have such a deep conversation with your cab driver. I took this as a sign from the universe that I was right to have followed my instincts to come to the show, and that I am on the right track !!!! yay!!!

From this experience I have made a commitment to myself that no matter what demands are placed on me, how I react to them is what will make the difference. There will always be reasons why we cant make time for ourselves , but we must create a reason why we can. It can be something simple like dropping everything and going for a walk, having a bath , or reading a great  book ; or it can be going to a  funny movie or going dancing. Even if its having a cup of coffee or a tea for 5 to 10 minutes. Anything that will give our minds a break, and lift our spirits and as a result ,giving us a better ability to move forward more clearly on this journey of life, even if its just one little baby step at a time. that’s enough. More and more each day I am becoming aware of how I spend my time. I am developing the mind set that every minute spent is time I will never get back. I want to use my time wisely while I am here .Since we will never get our time back after it is spent the question becomes, Is spending on this, doing this, being with these people,  time well spent? Being conscious of ” The Time Bank !  No obligations, no pressures, no guilt. Just live your life!!!!

Hello Thank you for visiting my page. Please do not click on any highlighted and underlined words that are on any of my posts. If you click it will direct you to a survey. Those are not being inserted by me. It’s spam. I am looking to getting this removed but I am unable to right now. Once my work schedule lightens up I can figure it out. Hope you enjoy my posts!!!! Have a great day !

I have come to realize that acts of kindness are healthy for you.  There have been studies done that prove that when we perform acts of kindness our brains release a chemical  called serotonin. Serotonin makes us feel happy. Serotonin is also released when we are active through exercise. Its an amazing feeling.  Being Healthy is also about having a healthy mind and attitude about yourself and life. Overall, Its not about what happens to us in life, but how we react to it ; how we see the situation, and how we choose to go about handling it that makes the difference. I have a Random experience that I want to share.

I was having a great day with my good friend Marta. Me and Marta were so grateful for having a day off together. The sun was shining, and we decided to take the day by storm.  We walked over to our favourite health food store to have lunch. We had a really nice 40 min walk there, and we ate our healthy lunches outside. We were trying to take full advantage of the fact  that we were outdoors enjoying nature, and not inside a metal tube for 8 plus hours.  It’s rare to have a friend you can just rejuvenate with. I am so grateful I have a friend like Marta, an amazing person who I can recharge with, and whos friendship I enjoy.

On our walk back we were stopped by A Mother and Son. The lady spoke to me and asked me if I could buy her a meal. She said that her and her son have just been evicted and she didn’t want to ask me for money ,but instead if she could ask me for a meal at Phils. Without hesitation I said Yes. Me and Marta  both looked at each other and I said to her “Marta I just said Yes” It was as if I was haunted and didn’t think twice.

I felt very uncomfortable because I had no idea who these people were. I felt very bad for them. The mother looked about maybe early 50s to me, and her son maybe 28 or 30ish. They looked really banged up and in rough shape. I don’t really know what their story was but they were not in a good place in life , and this I knew for sure regardless of the reasons why.

Marta and I walked into Phils and I thought to myself “Am I being taken for a ride here”? I am not exactly rich , and I am counting my pennies until my next pay cheque. Something just felt off about the whole thing. As I am sitting here writing I just want to burst out laughing at the whole situation. I made up my mind that I would help them regardless of their intentions. I thought to myself “What could have happened to these people to have reached such a low, and Me helping them is between me and God. If they are taking advantage of me then that Is between them and God and that is none of my business.”

So my new friends placed their order . The mom asked for the special and my other friend asked for the Baby Back Ribs????? Whattttttttt??? Ummmmmm I don’t even aim that high when I am enjoying a meal out. If I was rich I would have bought him 3 baby back rib meals, But I need to make rent so I let him know he will be having the special as well. I payed for their meal and The Mom thanked me and I left.

Me and Marta we were so confused and stumped about the whole event. It just felt really off. As we were walking we talked about the situation trying to make sense of it all, we wondered this while having a good laugh. As we walked I realized I didn’t buy them a drink and I felt bad.

I  shook it off, and me and Marta enjoyed the rest of our day. We went to hot yoga and enjoyed salads, and fresh fruits, and lots of yummy lemon and Basil flavoured water. We spent the whole day being so active we were on a high. After Marta Left I began to think about the People who stopped me. I realized those were People. People like you and me who needed help. Who were hungry and had no place to go. I didn’t get there names, and I didn’t ask them if they were ok, or did I help provide any suggestions as to where they should go or what they should do. Everyone including me were just stand offish and guarded. Which unfortunately in todays world we need to be. I can’t just offer my home and say “hey come stay with me as long as you like until your on your feet again” . Its just not how it goes. We give money to charities, and the third world countries , but what about the people who are standing right in front of us. Now this is a whole other can of worms because at the end of the day People who want change need to want it for themselves, and need to help themselves first before anyone can help them. But I guess throwing a rope to someone every now and then Is ok. I didn’t save their life, I didn’t help them change anything about there current situation, but maybe I was able to provide them with a tiny bit of hope to start somewhere with. Some hope for them to realize that they do matter.

I am hearing about Random acts of kindness more and more everyday. People are Purchasing coffees at drive thrus for the other people behind them. My friends Cheryl and Kadija had a man pay for their dinner when they were dining together. They were having a bad experience with the waitress. They were understanding and kind to her but between them they were disappointed. She kept making mistakes through out the whole time they were dining, but they remained understanding and kind. The man over heard them talking to each other about how they were a little disappointed, and paid for their meal. He told them, just pay it forward. I have a crew member Valarie who paid for a ladies items at the convenient store. the lady fell short of money. She had a few items Milk, and bread, etc. Valarie paid and said pay it forward. I was at the Grocery store in the express line, and the lady in front of me had a few items. When she went to pay she was so embarrassed because her wallet was missing. Her children were playing with her purse and she just noticed her wallet was gone. So I told her I would pay for her.  The look on peoples faces are priceless when you see their reaction. They just can’t believe that someone is helping them just because. and I told her just pay it forward. I felt like a million bucks for helping her, I was on a high.  And its an even better feeling when you don’t tell anyone. I am sharing this now because I want to reach out and share how Randoms acts of kinds have changed my life by lifting my spirits. It truly brightens up your life, and when you don’t tell people then Its a gift that you share between you and God. It gives you strength as a person and a feeling of purpose. It gives you the feeling that being here does have meaning, and when you keep it between you and God then it belongs to you.  Your doing it for the sake of doing it and not for credibility. Your not doing it so people think your wonderful, who you are as a person is not for someone else to decide, no one has the right to decide that for you. Feeling good about who you are as a person is the key to a happy life.

Healthy giving is important too. Boundaries are important. It doesn’t come from a place of obligations, or guilt, or does it come from a place of expecting to get back. You don’t do it so people can like you or love you even. Give when It feels good to give and because you want to. And you NEVER owe anybody anything. Always trust your instincts ,if something tells you its not right, then it is most likely not. Never give if your feeling its depleting you or at your expense, or if it hurts to give in that moment. For example when my friend asked for Baby back ribs… . I felt anxiety when he asked for such an expensive meal so I honoured  that feeling. I didn’t owe him anything, so I ordered him the special and felt good about it.  The opportunity to performs acts of kindness will just show up. Whether it be in the store, at the bus stop, work, wherever, pass it on, pay it forward. In a world that feels so cold and that is filed with so many wonderful and amazing people, isn’t  it time that we realize that although there are many people out here that do bad and hurtful things, that there are also people that want to do very helpful and good things as well. That is the Truth. There is always good and bad, lets start and/or continue to pay attention to the good. To see the Balance in Life. Later On in the Future we should have a Happy acts of Kindness day !!!! 🙂

Take care My friends! Talk to you soon