Have you ever started talking to a guy and it seemed like you found someone who was on the same wave length as you and then It ended up being a train wreck from hell? Let me introduce you all to.. Drum Roll ….Let’s call him…. Thor Odinson The God of thunder.

Thor and I began  some small talk back and forth that was making me fall asleep. I almost fell asleep and then suddenly It appeared as thou we had some similar views on  spirituality. we started talking about the law of attraction and energy. We began having a disagreement on the importance of surrounding yourself with good people. Who disagrees about the idea of having good People around? Comical

I shared my views on energy when It comes to people in your inner circle. It  Is very important to pay attention to whether or not someone is energizing you or depleting you. People who deplete you are the takers of the world. If someone is taking your energy it is best to remain distant for your wellbeing. Thor told me that this is not true. That he can hang around anyone because he is grounding energy. Thor believed  that since I am a highly sensitive person that I will be more powerful hanging around him because he is a lightening Bolt. If given the opportunity  Thor could take me to Costco and he could shield me from all the energies in the store . Beside him I would never feel overwhelmed or depleted. He has had experience with this fact about himself because his Ex girlfriend loved going to Costco with him. He would shield her from the negative energies in the store and she would shop freely like she owns the place. He asks if he could call me instead of texting because it would be easier to talk.I am trying to keep an open mind. Maybe what he is trying to say is getting lost in translation? Maybe I could learn something? Maybe this will be entertaining ? Ok  I say lets chat.

Why did I say Yes?

His vibe seemed very friendly when we were messaging and now he sounds like a brute. His tone is a notch below yelling . Uh oh,  I think I may have upset Thor The Mighty God of Thunder. Thor has many topics he needs to discuss with me. first, he ends the Costco Topic by telling me that I am a butterfly and I would love going with him. I am a butterfly because  the most simple task overwhelms me because I am highly sensitive. He would love to take me to Costco one day but not to expect him to take me all the time. Do I give the impression that I need someone to hold my hand to walk in life? That I can’t stand on my own two feet? Also..What is up with this man and Costco? wtf? I would never want to ever disturb Thor the Mighty God of Thunders schedule. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.

Thor Changes the subject. Lets give Thor the floor!!!!  I learned from Thor that the reason why I have never fully let go with a man before is because I have only been with boys and not men like him. To my detriment I shared with him that I have never fully let go emotionally and sexually with a Man before. Seems I have never felt safe enough or cared for enough to fully let go. Now , Thor has the answers that I need and the power I need as well. Ok Thor enlighten me . He says that he is an Alpha male and women need to submit in order for a relationship to work. His tone is harsh and this person wants a women to drop her guard while being afraid for her life? All I pictured in my Mind was him yelling, I AM An ALPHA MALE  and you will SUBMIT to me NOW !!!!! Baby Jesus Of Nazareth, I would rather drink Liquid Drano.

Thor is in love with the teachings of this motivational speaker and this mans daughter. I don’t remember their names and truthfully I didn’t care enough to take note. He wants to talk to the husband of this Lady Motivational speaker because he wants to know how to score a women like her. He also has a work wife and she is an Alpha as well. They are great work partners. Thor jokes with her husband and lets him know that she is his work wife but there is no jealousy between them. Thor has integrity.  I would bet money that Thor’s Alpha work wife’s Husband feels very confident in the fact That Thor is not a threat to their Marriage. Unless there is a Costco battle between them. Does this guy think I am gonna even try to measure up to his ridiculous standards? Does this guy have a clue that if any women is going to submit that she needs to feel safe? Buddy is busting out of the gate like a psychotic animal with rabies yelling you must submit!!! and he is wondering why he can’t be a successful Alpha Dog? He doesn’t even know what an Alpha is. Alphas are Leaders that you trust and count on to be there and Thor is starving for the Alpha spot. He is foaming at the mouth because he isn’t being accepted into the pack.

Then he tells me that the reasons my relationships in the past have not worked out is because it is my fault. I am dying of laughter right now as I am writing this. I am laughing so hard my stomach hurts. Everything is my fault and everything that has happened to me is my fault as well. He tells me that his Ex wife blamed him for everything. Since then, Thor has taken responsibility for himself but he knows most things were his his ex wife’s fault and not his. At this Point I began to see the top dog Right here. I should have named Thor Snoop Dooogg !! It’s the mother fucken D-O double G . Never Mind Snoop is awesome so the name wouldn’t fit. Lets continue.

I mentioned I am in school  and Thor  believes  my new career path  will not work because people will not be willing  do the work it takes to heal themselves. Thor is obviously speaking from experience. What disturbs me the most out of all of this is that I sat there and listened to this Lunatic speak. I was in denial. There was no way this was real. There is going to a punch line somewhere or an insight here ,wouldn’t there be ? I like to Learn different perspectives on how other people see life and to Learn different views on topics. I  signed up for an intellectual conversation and I ended up being met with a little boy in Alpha dog training  who has a bruised ego. I want my money back ! There was nothing worthwhile that came out of this conversation except for a story to laugh about on my Blog. I guess it all worked out.

This is my Theory on what in all that is holy is going on with our Thor the Mighty God of thunder.  I believe we are responsible for how we respond to our life events and for how we interpret our life events. This is where we can empower ourselves. Things that happen to us that are out of our control are not our faults. We have a responsibility to ourselves to take on the parts that  belongs to us to learn and grow from. To let go of parts that are not ours to own and to let go of what we cannot control. That is what wine is for. Thor was cut throat and there seemed to be a fear that lived inside him of  blame being placed  harshly on him and he wants to avoid that from ever happening to him again. He builds this pedestal around these idols such as his favourite motivational speakers so that someone could never attain to that standard. This will keep his love interest aiming  for something unattainable in hopes to receive love from him that will most likely be given sparingly or if at all. Thor will keep a person feeling like they will never measure up so that someone is kept feeling small . This gives him control and this way he feels safe like an Alpha and safe in ever having anyone have power in blaming him ever again. I threw in the Alpha as a joke.

He was wounded and mean. He says he is always wanting to learn and loves self improvement but when It comes to his opinions he is a black and white thinker. He contradicts himself.  I obviously don’t know for sure what his deal was and this was just a guess. Maybe he just has rabies and the answer is that simple. I don’t know if he was sniffing  glue or if he ate an edible but his head was so far up his ass that he made no sense. I guess my dreams of being with a man who makes people more powerful because he is a lightening bolt has been crushed. I had a note pad and pen out ready as he expressed all the wonderful qualities his Motivational speaker crush had and I was so eager to start working on being like her rather than being myself. When I was a young girl, I used to dream of Meeting a very powerful Alpha who would take me to Costco. Now, my dreams are crushed and I will Never be powerful.

I am using humour to deal with these unpleasant and discouraging experiences because You can’t let people get you down in life. People who are amazing will always lift you up, not knock you or kick you when you’re down. We can be the best amongst each other and lift each other up. There is no need to beat someone down because you’re hurting or because you’re miserable in life. unless you are powerful and can escort people in Costco. Unless you have that power then you need to simmer down Sir. You don’t know someone until you walk though life with a person on a daily. Many people lack in self awareness and they truly believe they are a certain way but are clueless to the fact that they are not how they see themselves. However; some people are just full of shit. I know personally I need to work on communicating my feelings. I know how to deal with my emotions and know how to take care of myself but I am scared to share my feelings because I don’t feel safe being vulnerable. Communication is key in a relationship so I am screwed. I know the right man for me will be patient with me on this and help me feel safe opening up. I am looking forward to developing better communicating skills.  We all lack in self awareness in some way and as along we face ourselves honestly it is doable. People who bandaid their bleeding  wounds, use people and blame others for their pain are people that are very dangerous to care for. They will take you down with them. Wish them well and be on your way. They are not worth it.

Thor thou… He came in Guns hot and immediately made it very obvious that he was a Hell NO !! These are the best outcomes because you don’t waste any time investing in people who are like this. It’s the best to learn the truth right away ! I was sincerely open to hearing about his journey in life so far and engaging with him but It was not enjoyable talking to an arrogant and mean person.  I love talking about life , I love learning but this felt like an attack.  I find it really sad that having a meaningful conversation with someone in the dating world to be rare. The lack of respect between people in dating makes it hard to enjoy meeting people . If someone treats you badly it is says everything about them in who they are and not about you. People who are together lift others up not tear them down. I am glad I know better than to listen to him knock me down about my school and misjudgements of me. I hope he doesn’t hurt anyone with his anger because being intimate with someone is a place where we are so vulnerable and it is horrible to destroy someone. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, oh wait… maybe on … Kidding. If you destroy someone emotionally that is murder. The person may never recover and while they are hurting they may be here physically but that person you once knew is gone. We need to be kind to each other. Humour heals. I can only hope that one day I can be as amazing as his work wife. I wish him and his Pretend wife the best and I can only hope that one day he will want to be with me. Until then, I will be  waiting eagerly and will be perfecting my craft by trying to be like his motivational speaker crush lady and work wife .I was so happy to end the call with him. That is 30 minutes of my life that I will never get back. I walk away feeling good knowing I gave it my all. Next !