I am so excited to share these hilarious dating stories with you. I am going to start with the less funny stories first and then move onto the more funny ones later . I already have a handful of stories here to share. Pop some popcorn, garb some wine or whatever you are in the mood for. It’s Girls night !

Let’s sum up my last year and bring you up to speed on my life. I got my heart destroyed, and didn’t make it out alive. Picked my ass up off the cold concrete ground because I am no ones victim and  took some much needed time for myself to heal and focus on my wellbeing. I worked with some healers that helped me get strong again and  that helped me find my way back. I felt worthless and deeply sad. I was so lost and in a lot of emotional pain. I am so fortunate to have the best of friends in the world who gave me the love, space and support I needed to get through the heart ache. Life is a series of dying and rebirths and so now I am back! Now that you are briefly  up to speed with my  past  We can now move onto the present.

In May, I had this bright idea to start putting myself out there again. I am not in a hurry to commit to anyone and truthfully a big part of me is disinterested in dating. I would love to meet the right man but the process of dating can be dreadful. It is healthy to get out there and meet people so I cleaned up my bad attitude and decided to to get out there. I made some ground rules for myself to make sure I invest only  in people with whom I will have  healthy connections with. These ground rules are : This man has to be a Hell Yes or else He is a Hell No, if I am to get off line with him. I will not invest in anyone who doesn’t invest in me as well, and I am not extending  the vulnerable parts of myself to anyone unless we have a strong friendship ,mutual respect for one another and reciprocity, to start. He has to come meet me whole as a person because I will not be a healer to any broken man . Been there , done that once before against my better judgement and never again. For a long time I have believed attraction is the same as being drunk and we never make major decisions while we are drunk. I want to take my time and focus on their character. You can never be surrounded by enough good people. Genuine and trustworthy people are hard to come by and I appreciate every one of these people I have in my life today. This mindset makes me feel safe and assured that I am going into dating with my eyes wide open. Sometimes my head is up my ass and I have paid for it.  An intimate relationship is one of the most vulnerable places you can be in life. So scary !! This is a place where you can be destroyed and I am only interested in letting the right man in. I want A Man where we can be our best selves with and where we bring out the best in each other or else what is the point? Life is already hard enough as it is.

With Mixed emotions I create my on line dating account. With my bad attitude I say to myself ,this is so stupid, as I fill out these questions that need to be filled out for my profile. You only know who someone truly is when you actual walk through life with them on a daily. You learn their habits, how they make choices and what they value in life. Will they be there for you when you’re not ok? or will they leave you to die in your time of need? etc…Talk is cheap. You don’t know until you know. These questions on this account seem like a bullshit job interview.

My account goes live!  Now, I would like to introduce you to Master Williams. Handsome Guy this Master Williams and very sexy body.  I am not going to use real names because this is not about bashing anyone or harming anyone. We are here for laughs ! He will be named after Will smith from Fresh Prince of Bell Air because I love Will smith. The laughter this sitcom gave me , got me through some really dark days growing up. I call This Man Master Williams because he gave me the impression that he was looking for a Butler. Let me Explain…..

Master Williams and I began talking and we both seemed to be looking for the same things in a person. Loyal, trust worthy, genuine , blah blah blah. Before I agreed to meet with him I let him know I have a cat named Lynx. His full name is Lynx Jose Cristiano Tiago Don Lewis Botelho. I am from a Portuguese Heritage and I gave Lynx an exaggerated immigrant name. You all remember Don Lewis? Carol Baskins husband who was fed to the Tigers? I gave Lynx his name so that Don would not die in Vain. I adopted Lynx from the shelter and Lynx and I are a package. He is the sweetest boy who was abandoned as I was ,and I promised him that we will always be family. This cat is a dog. He is the sweetest and kindest boy. He loves to snuggle and play. He is my family. Master Williams tells me he is allergic to cats so I say ok well it was nice to meet you. He says, WHOW Slow down, lets not pull the plug just yet. Then I realize oh right; I guess I should hear him out. Master Williams tells me he would like to meet me anyways and that he has a solution .

I had an ex who was allergic to cats. when we started dating I told him about Lynx but he never mentioned allergies until he started to have them when he was over at my place. He told me he would get allergy shots and that it would be ok. He never followed through on his word to deal with his allergies and Lynx began to annoy him. I got an air purifier to help him breath but My ex didn’t do his part in dealing with his allergies. He started thinking that I would conveniently choose him over Lynx. It was awful seeing him try to be mean to Lynx and I had to tell him not to be rude to him. It became awful to have him over because Sweet little Lynx was an issue for him. so I shared this with Master Williams and I told him I just don’t want to deal with that noise again.

Master William provided me with a solution. He let me know how things would go down in my home. He proceeds to tell me that his Ex had a cat and when they were together she would mostly stay at his house.  Oh nice I thought, I have a cat who was abandoned previously and I will barley see him if I decide to settle for Master Williams . Sounds like a dream so far. I  continued to stay openminded to his suggestions and he continues to tell me that when he comes over that Lynx can be with us in the same room but that Lynx can’t sit on him. Ok, that is doable I thought.  Also, when Master Williams sleeps over , Lynx would not be allowed to join us in the bedroom. I let this suggestion process for a second and thought to myself ,but what makes him think that Lynx is the one that would get the couch ? He just assumed Lynx gets the couch in my home? He continues on to say that I will also be needing to wash the bedsheets every time before he comes over. Master Williams would need clean sheet to make his stay the most comfortable. I can’t wait to be his Butler! I could offer him breath mints upon arrival and perhaps a hot towel so that he can unwind as he settles in for the night. All of this extra hard work and Master Williams would be the prize in the end! Lucky Me !  We have not even started dating and I already have  extra loads of laundry to do and extra cleaning. I am looking for a soft place to land not an extra job. I am already in school and have two jobs, I don’t need three.

Truthfully, what makes me laugh and set me off about master Williams was not that he had allergies but that he had no regards to how I felt about anything. He just informed me on how he thought things would go down.  He was like a bull in a china shop. A better approach would have been to ask me how I felt about Lynx not being able to be in the bedroom and together find a solution. Perhaps offer to bring his own bed sheets or to offer to clean them himself. This would have given me the impression he was a considerate person. I am not a Butler. Also what would have been good would have been to  show interest in my relationship with Lynx instead of behaving like Lynx needs to move over because there is a new sheriff in town. There lots of love to go around, no one needs to be excluded. My instincts were screaming for me to run for the hills.I got really bad vibes and heart palpitations . He came across as self centred . I could be totally wrong about him but I chose to trust my instincts. For me, It is usually not what someone is saying but how they say it. The  style in which someone communicates that really says a lot about who they are. He did not demonstrate any sensitivity  or kindness. No awareness on how his extra chores would fall on me or how I felt about his suggestions. I didn’t want to go through having a man hate Lynx again. It was an awful and heart breaking experience.  I told Master Williams that I am not interesting in meeting him anymore. Yes, I chose my Cat Lynx over him.

I feel very protective of the life I have built for myself so far.  I have not accomplished anything to write home about. I won’t be making it into the guiness book of world records. There will be no legacy after me when I am gone but my inner peace means world to me. I truly enjoy my own company and for me to welcome someone into my life ,he has to add onto it or else I am content on my own. In the end what made me lose interest in him was I didn’t feel good about him as a person. You have to feel good about yourself  in a relationship for it to be worth it. Compromising myself for him would have made me sad. I know I jumped the gun a bit ,but I still feel good about my decision to not meet Master Williams. I love this story because It makes me laugh! Master Williams was a Hell No !

My Self care approach after this guy was a great laugh and long hot shower. I was exhausted after working through all of Master Williams lists of chores. When I am stressed and don’t have time to pamper myself, I love to leave a candle on, turn off all the lights and take a shower in the candle light. The dim lights Make me feel calm and helps me  escape into the mystery of the night. I dream of vacationing in Hawaii and enjoying one of those outdoor showers made out of wood they have in some Air BnB’s  there. To be able to look up at the moon and stars and shower in the magical island of Hawaii is definitely on my bucket list. After my shower , I slipped into bed and Lynx jumped into my arms like a loving snuggle bug. As I dosed off with Lynx in my arms and not on the couch I thought to myself, Thank God I am single.